ering tea-cake.] I wish you would have tea-cake instead.
I don't like tea-cake.

Jack. Good heavens! I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own
garden.

Algernon. But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat
muffins.

Jack. I said it was perfectly heartless of you, under the circumstances.
That is a very different thing.

Algernon. That may be. But the muffins are the same. [He seizes the
muffin-dish from Jack.]

Jack. Algy, I wish to goodness you would go.

Algernon. You can't possibly ask me to go without having some dinner.
It's absurd. I never go without my dinner. No one ever does, except
vegetarians and people like that. Besides I have just made arrangements
with Dr. Chasuble to be christened at a quarter to six under the name of
Ernest.

Jack. My dear fellow, the sooner you give up that nonsense the better. I
made arrangements this morning with Dr. Chasuble to be christened myself
at 5.30, and I naturally will take the name of Ernest. Gwendolen would
wish it. We can't both be christened Ernest. It's absurd. Besides, I
have a perfect right to be christened if I like. There is no evidence at
all that I have ever been christened by anybody. I should think it
extremely probable I never was, and so does Dr. Chasuble. It is entirely
different in your case. You have been christened already.

Algernon. Yes, but I have not been christened for years.

Jack. Yes, but you have been christened. That is the important thing.

Algernon. Quite so. So I know my constitution can stand it. If you are
not quite sure about your ever having been christened, I must say I think
it rather dangerous your venturing on it now. It might make you very
unwell. You can hardly have forgotten that some one very closely
connected with you was very nearly carried off this week in Paris by a
severe chill.

Jack. Yes, but you said yourself that a severe chill was not hereditary.

Algernon. It usen't to be, I know--but I daresay it is now. Science is
always making wonderful improvements in things.

Jack. [Picking up the muffin-dish.] Oh, that is nonsense; you are
always talking nonsense.

Algernon. Jack, you are at the muffins again! I wish you wouldn't.
There are only two left. [Takes them.] I told you I was particularly
fond of muffins.

Jack. But I hate tea-cake.

Algernon. Why on earth then do you allow tea-cake to be served up for
your guests? What ideas you have o