rying.
What on earth you are serious about I haven't got the remotest idea.
About everything, I should fancy. You have such an absolutely trivial
nature.

Jack. Well, the only small satisfaction I have in the whole of this
wretched business is that your friend Bunbury is quite exploded. You
won't be able to run down to the country quite so often as you used to
do, dear Algy. And a very good thing too.

Algernon. Your brother is a little off colour, isn't he, dear Jack? You
won't be able to disappear to London quite so frequently as your wicked
custom was. And not a bad thing either.

Jack. As for your conduct towards Miss Cardew, I must say that your
taking in a sweet, simple, innocent girl like that is quite inexcusable.
To say nothing of the fact that she is my ward.

Algernon. I can see no possible defence at all for your deceiving a
brilliant, clever, thoroughly experienced young lady like Miss Fairfax.
To say nothing of the fact that she is my cousin.

Jack. I wanted to be engaged to Gwendolen, that is all. I love her.

Algernon. Well, I simply wanted to be engaged to Cecily. I adore her.

Jack. There is certainly no chance of your marrying Miss Cardew.

Algernon. I don't think there is much likelihood, Jack, of you and Miss
Fairfax being united.

Jack. Well, that is no business of yours.

Algernon. If it was my business, I wouldn't talk about it. [Begins to
eat muffins.] It is very vulgar to talk about one's business. Only
people like stock-brokers do that, and then merely at dinner parties.

Jack. How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this
horrible trouble, I can't make out. You seem to me to be perfectly
heartless.

Algernon. Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter
would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite
calmly. It is the only way to eat them.

Jack. I say it's perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under
the circumstances.

Algernon. When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles
me. Indeed, when I am in really great trouble, as any one who knows me
intimately will tell you, I refuse everything except food and drink. At
the present moment I am eating muffins because I am unhappy. Besides, I
am particularly fond of muffins. [Rising.]

Jack. [Rising.] Well, that is no reason why you should eat them all in
that greedy way. [Takes muffins from Algernon.]

Algernon. [Off