what on
earth is there in that? Some aunts are tall, some aunts are not tall.
That is a matter that surely an aunt may be allowed to decide for
herself. You seem to think that every aunt should be exactly like your
aunt! That is absurd! For Heaven's sake give me back my cigarette case.
[Follows Algernon round the room.]

Algernon. Yes. But why does your aunt call you her uncle? 'From little
Cecily, with her fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack.' There is no
objection, I admit, to an aunt being a small aunt, but why an aunt, no
matter what her size may be, should call her own nephew her uncle, I
can't quite make out. Besides, your name isn't Jack at all; it is
Ernest.

Jack. It isn't Ernest; it's Jack.

Algernon. You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you
to every one as Ernest. You answer to the name of Ernest. You look as
if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking person I ever
saw in my life. It is perfectly absurd your saying that your name isn't
Ernest. It's on your cards. Here is one of them. [Taking it from
case.] 'Mr. Ernest Worthing, B. 4, The Albany.' I'll keep this as a
proof that your name is Ernest if ever you attempt to deny it to me, or
to Gwendolen, or to any one else. [Puts the card in his pocket.]

Jack. Well, my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and the
cigarette case was given to me in the country.

Algernon. Yes, but that does not account for the fact that your small
Aunt Cecily, who lives at Tunbridge Wells, calls you her dear uncle.
Come, old boy, you had much better have the thing out at once.

Jack. My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. It is
very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces
a false impression.

Algernon. Well, that is exactly what dentists always do. Now, go on!
Tell me the whole thing. I may mention that I have always suspected you
of being a confirmed and secret Bunburyist; and I am quite sure of it
now.

Jack. Bunburyist? What on earth do you mean by a Bunburyist?

Algernon. I'll reveal to you the meaning of that incomparable expression
as soon as you are kind enough to inform me why you are Ernest in town
and Jack in the country.

Jack. Well, produce my cigarette case first.

Algernon. Here it is. [Hands cigarette case.] Now produce your
explanation, and pray make it improbable. [Sits on sofa.]

Jack. My dear fellow, there is nothing i