rags.

Why can Satan never be uncivil? Because the Imp o' Darkness can never
be Imp o' Light.

Who is the man who carries everything before him? The footman.

Why is a pen manufacturer a corrupt man? Because he makes people
steal (steel) pens and tells them they do write (right).

What is the greatest eye-sore in a farmyard? A pig-sty.

What is better than God, worse than the devil, what the dead live on,
and the living would die if they lived on? Nothing.

Why is a prudent man like a pin? Because his head prevents him from
going too far.

Whence proceeds the eloquence of a lawyer? From his mouth.

At what time by the clock is a pun the most effective? When it
strikes one.

Why is a dead hen better than a live one? Because she will lay
wherever you put her.

Why is a true and faithful friend like a garden seed? Because you
never know the value of either until they are put under ground.

What benefit can be derived from a paper of pins? They will give you
many good points.

What kind of a cat do we generally find in a large library? A
catalogue.

Why is it difficult to flirt on mail steamers? Because all the mails
(males) are tied up in bags.

What kind of a swell luncheon would hardly be considered a grand
affair? A luncheon of dried apples and warm water, which is really a
swell affair.

Why is a boy like a puppy? Because he's a younker (young cur).

What is that thing which we all eat and drink, although it is often
a man and often a woman? A toast.

How do eggs show their anger on being called Heggs? By becoming
eggs-aspirated (exasperated).

On what side of a church does a yew-tree grow? The outside.

Why is a man whose "heart is in his mouth" through fright, like a
cabbage? Because his heart's in his head.

Why is a shoemaker more charitable than another man? Because he is
ready to give any man a lift.

Why is a picture like a fine woman? Because it's framed to please.

Why is a cunning man like a shoemaker? Because he'll pump you.

Why is a fiddle-maker like an apothecary? Because he'll send you a
vial in.

Why would a pelican make a good lawyer? He knows how to stretch his
bill.

When is a man incapable of performing a bare-faced action? When he
wears a heavy beard and a mustache.

Why is a thief like a philosopher? Because he is given to fits of
abstraction.

Why is it illegal for a man to possess a short walking stick? Because
it can never be-long to him.

Why is a perso