m sell-fish.

Why is a judge's nose like the middle of the earth? Because it's the
center of gravity.

What is the gentlest kind of spur? A whisper.

Why should not soldiers meddle with nutcrackers? Because they make
the shells burst on the kernel (colonel).

Why is a hammer like a general? It goes to the head, and settles the
point of a tack (attack).

What is the best material for kites? Flypaper.

What two reasons are there why a young lady going to the altar is
certainly going wrong? She is miss-taken and miss-led.

When does the tongue assume the functions of the teeth? When it
back-bites.

What is a button? A small event that is always coming off.

What medicine ought to be given to misers? Anti-mony.

What was the cause of the potato rot? The rot-atory motion of the
earth.

What is the end to which all like to come? A divid-end.

What is Hobson's choice? Mrs. Hobson.

Why should one never complain of the price of a car ticket? It is a
_fare_ thing.

Where does one see breakers ahead on land? In a railway station.

What is a heavy incidental expense? Having one's tooth filled.

What is the difference between forms and ceremonies? You sit upon
one, and stand upon the other.

How do locomotives hear? Through their engin-eers.

What is the great motive for traveling? The loco-motive.

Why has a barber more than one life? Because he dyes (dies) very
often.

How do you call the ship that carries more passengers than the
_Olympic_? Courtship.

Why is a high rate of fare on a railroad like an overloaded gun?
Because it is too much for a charge.

When is a United States soldier like a man with a ragged coat? When
he is out under arms.

When is a beaver hat a wide-awake? When it has lost its nap.

Why can hotel boarders dine off the gong? Because "it is a-rousing
dinner."

Why is a retired actor like an extortioner? Because he is an
ex-actor.

Who has most need to pray to be delivered from temptation? An editor,
for he is beset by the "devil."

How can an actress appear in two pieces on the same evening? Because
she's taking a part (taken apart).

Why is a watch like the moon? Because it presents halves and quarters
and reports time.

Why is any divorced man like a man playing at ten pins? Because he
has to pay an alimony (an alley-money).

Why is a woman, when blindfolded, like an ignorant school teacher?
Because her pupils are kept in the dark.

Why is a ball discharged in the