of a bill?
Because he's the end horse, sir (endorser).

Why is a man marrying a second time like _sal volatile_? Because it's
re-wiving.

When may a lady be absolutely pronounced to be quite past recovery?
When she is speechless, and can only chatter with her teeth.

Why are ladies' eyes like persons separated by the Atlantic Ocean?
Because, although they may correspond, they never meet.

What two ages often prove illusory? Mir-age and marri-age.

State the difference between a grocer selling a pound of sugar, and
an apothecary's boy with a pestle and mortar. One weighs a pound, the
other pounds away.

Why is gritty coffee like the Subway? It may be considered
underground.

When can an Irish servant answer two questions at the same time? When
she is asked, "What's o'clock, and where's the cold chicken?" if she
replies, "Sure, it's ate."

Why would an owl be offended at your calling him a pheasant? Because
you would be making game of him.

Why can a fish never be in the dark? Because of his parraffins (pair
o' fins).

When is a candle like an ill-conditioned, quarrelsome man? When it is
put out before it has had time to flare up and blaze away.

Why is love like a candle? Because the longer it burns the less it
becomes.

What is the difference between a tight boot and an oak tree? One
makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.

Why does the east wind never blow straight? Because it blows oblique
(blows so bleak).

What is the difference between a _premiere danseuse_ and a duck? One
goes quick on her beautiful legs, the other goes "quack" on her
beautiful eggs.

What is the difference between a French pastry-cook and a
billsticker? One puffs up paste, the other pastes up puffs.

Why is it vulgar to sing and play by yourself? Because it is so-lo.

When is a young lady like an acrobat? When she shows her sleight of
hand by refusing you.

Why is one stall of a two-stall stable like a pretty girl? Because it
is seldom let alone.

Why is the root of the tongue like a dejected man? Because it is down
in the mouth.

What part of one's head is fit to eat? An ear o' rye (awry).

Why cannot you make a venison pasty of buck venison? Because the
pasty must be made of dough (doe).

Why ought venison to be only half-cooked? Because what is done,
cannot be helped.

Why do sailors working in brigs make bad servants? Because it is
impossible for a man to serve two mast-ers well.

Why are plagiarists like