dead dog's tail? Because it stops a waggin'.

When are handcuffs like knapsacks? When made for two-wrists
(tourists).

What is the difference between a butterfly and a volcano? In one the
lava comes out of the crater, in the other the "crater" comes out of
the larva.

Why is a man riding swiftly up hill like one who presents a young
lady with a young dog? He gives a gallop up (gal a pup).

Why is a love of the ocean like curiosity? It has sent many a boy to
sea (see).

What is the best way to double a flock of sheep? Fold them.

Why are mortgages like burglars? They secure (seek your) money.

Why is a woman's thought like the telegraph? It is so much quicker
than the mail (male) intelligence.

If you lose a dollar to-day, why would it be a good plan to lose
another to-morrow? So as to make your loss a-gain.

What constitutes a weighty discourse? First to ann-OUNCE a text, then
to ex-POUND it.

What is disgusting to all but those who swallow it? Flattery.

Why is a lawyer like an honest man? He is a man of deeds as well as
of words.

Why does a young man study law? To get on.

Why does he continue in the profession? To get honor.

Why does he leave the profession? To get honest.

What is the difference between fog and a falling star? One is a mist
on earth, the other is missed in heaven.

Why is the present moment like skim-milk? It's scum (come).

Why is a four-quart measure like a sidesaddle? They both hold a
gal(l)on.

How can you shoot one hundred and twenty hares at one shot? Fire at a
wig.

Name that which, with only one eye put out, has but a nose left.
Noise.

Why are laundresses good navigators? Because they are always
crossing the line, and going from pole to pole.

What is that which if you name it even you break it? Silence.

What is that which you can keep even after giving it to somebody
else? Your word.

What is that which the dead and the living do at the same time? Go
round with the world.

What snuff-taker is that whose box gets fuller the more pinches he
takes? The snuffers.

Why are your nose and chin constantly at variance? Because words are
continually passing between them.

What is the smallest bridge in the world? The bridge of your nose.

Why is a Jew in a fever like the famous Koh-i-noor diamond? Because
he's a Jew-ill.

Why is an undutiful son like one born deaf? Because your voice is
lost upon him.

What is that which is put on the table and cut, but ne