inds the train, the other trains the mind.

When is a member of Congress ferocious? When he inserts his claws
(clause) into the Bill of another member.

What is the best description of "rapid consumption"? Bolting one's
food.

Why does a fox-hound wag his tail? Because he is stronger than his
tail, otherwise his tail would wag him.

Why is a gooseberry tart like a bad coin? Because it's not currant
(current).

When is a blow from a lady welcome? When she strikes you agreeably.

When you give a lady a lock of your hair, what else does she receive
from you at the same time? A key to your feelings.

Why is a pretty girl like a locomotive engine? Because she sends off
the sparks, transports the mails, has a train following her, and
passes over the plain.

What part of speech is kissing? A conjunction.

Why are there more marriages in winter than in summer? Because the
men seek comforters, and the ladies seek muffs.

How do the young ladies show their dislike of mustaches? By setting
their faces against them.

Why are young ladies bad grammarians? Because you seldom find one who
can decline Matrimony.

Where is it that all women are equally beautiful? In the dark.

Why do girls like looking at the moon? Because there's a man in it.

Why is a prosy preacher like the middle of a wheel? Because the
felloes around it are tired.

Why is the rudder of a steamboat like a hangman? It has a stern duty
to perform.

What is the difference between a cat and a document? One has claws at
the end of its paws, and the other has pauses at the end of its
clauses.

What two beaus can every lady have near at hand? El-bows.

When is a man like a cannon-ball? When he looks round.

When does the House of Representatives present one of the most
ludicrous spectacles? When its ayes (eyes) are on one side, and its
noes (nose) on the other.

What three acts comprise the chief business of some women's lives?
Attr-act, contr-act, detr-act.

Why does a donkey eat a thistle? Because he's an ass.

What is the difference between a donkey and a postage stamp? One you
lick with a stick, the other you stick with a lick.

Why shouldn't you go to church if you have a cough? Because you will
be sure to disturb the _rest_ of the congregation.

When is it dangerous to enter a church? When there is a canon in the
reading desk, a great gun in the pulpit, and a bishop charges the
congregation.

When is a rushlight like a tombstone? Whe