certo, si sis sanus aut sapias satis,
quam tu impudicam esse arbitrere et praedices,
cum ea tu sermonem nec ioco nec serio
tibi habeas, nisi sis stultior stultissimo.

(_pulling away_) Can't you keep your hands off? Why surely,
sir, if you were sane or had a particle of sense about
you, when you think your wife is immodest and tell her so
yourself, you wouldn't hold any conversation with her at all
in jest or earnest, unless you were the silliest of silly
men.

_Iup._
_Jup._

Si dixi, nihilo magis es, neque ego esse arbitror,
et id huc revorti uti me purgarem tibi.
nam numquam quicquam meo animo fuit aegrius, 910
quam postquam audivi ted esse iratam mihi.
cur dixisti? inquies. ego expediam tibi.

My saying so doesn't make you so any the more, And I don't
think you so, either; and I've come back to set myself
right with you. For I never did feel sicker at heart about
anything than after I heard you were provoked with me. "Why
did you say it?" you'll ask. I'll clear up that point for
you.

non edepol quo te esse impudicam crederem;
verum periclitatus sum animum tuom,
quid faceres et quo pacto id ferre induceres.
equidem ioco illa dixeram dudum tibi,
ridiculi causa. vel hunc rogato Sosiam.

Bless your heart, it wasn't because I believed you were
immodest. I was just testing your feelings to see what you'd
do and how you'd take it. (_forcing a laugh_) Really it was
all a joke, what I said just now, merely a bit of fun. Why,
you can ask Sosia here. (_pointing to house_)

_Alc._

Quin huc adducis meum cognatum Naucratem,
testem quem dudum te adducturum dixeras,
te huc non venisse?

(_coldly_) Why do you not bring my relative Naucrates, as
you just now said you would, to prove you had not been here?

_Iup._
_Jup._

Si quid dictum est per iocum, 920
non aequom est id te serio praevortier.

If something is said in joke, it's not fair to take it in
earnest.

_Alc._

Ego illud scio quam doluerit cordi meo.

I know one thing--that joke of yours cut me to the heart,
sir.

_Iup._
_Jup._

Per dexteram tuam te, Alcumena, oro obsecro.
da mihi hanc veniam, ignosce, irata ne sies.

(_seizing her hand_) I beg and beseech you, Alcmena, by this
right h