e to me about those things which the gentleman
spread about me. I did not offer to justify myself, although I knew
myself innocent of the things whereof they accused me. One day being in
the greatest desolation and distress, I opened the New Testament on
these words, "My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made
perfect in weakness." That for a little time gave me some relief.

CHAPTER 24

The Lord took from me all the sensibility which I had for the
creatures, or things created, even in an instant, as one takes off a
robe. After that time I had none for any whatsoever. Though He had done
me that favor, for which I can never be sufficiently grateful, I was,
however, neither more contented nor less confused by it. My God seemed
to be so estranged and displeased with me, that there remained nothing
but the grief of having lost His blessed presence through my fault. The
loss of my reputation every day increasing, became sensible to my
heart, though I was not allowed to justify or bewail myself.

As I became always more impotent for every kind of exterior works, as I
could not go to see the poor, nor stay at church, nor practice prayer;
as I became colder toward God, in proportion as I was more sensible of
my wrong steps, all this destroyed me the more both in my own eyes and
in those of others. There were some very considerable gentlemen who
made proposals for me, and even such persons as according to the rules
of fashion ought not to think of me. They presented themselves during
the very depth of my outward and inward desolation. At first it
appeared to me a means of drawing me out of the distress I was in. But
it seemed to me then notwithstanding my pains of body and mind, that if
a king had presented himself to me, I would have refused him with
pleasure, to show thee, O my God, that with all my miseries I was
resolved to be thine alone.

If Thou wouldst not accept of me, I should at least have the
consolation of having been faithful to Thee to the utmost of my power.
For as to my inward state, I never mentioned it to anybody. I never
spoke thereof, nor of the suitors, though my mother-in-law would say
that if I did not marry, it was because none would have me. It was
sufficient for me that Thou, O my God, knewest that I sacrificed them
to Thee, (without saying a word to anybody) especially one whose high
birth and amiable exterior qualities might have tempted both my vanity
and inclination. Oh, c