as very much
commended for it by everyone. They were offended at my silence, which
they attributed to want of resignation. A friar told me, that everyone
admired the fine acts which my mother-in-law did; but as for me, they
heard me say nothing; that I must sacrifice my loss to God. But I could
not say one single word, let me strive as I would.

I was indeed very much exhausted. Although I was but recently delivered
of my daughter, yet I attended and sat up with my husband four and
twenty nights before his death. I was more than a year after in
recovering from fatigue, joined to my great weakness and pain both of
body and of mind. The great depression, or dryness and stupidity which
I was in, was such that I could not say a word about God. It bore me
down in such a manner that I could hardly speak. However, I entered for
some moments into the admiration of thy goodness, O my God. I saw well
that my crosses would not fail, since my mother-in-law had survived my
husband. Also I was still tied, in having two children given me in so
short a time before my husband's death, which evidently appeared the
effect of divine wisdom; for had I only my eldest son, I would have put
him in a college; and have gone myself into the convent of the
Benedictines, and so frustrated all the designs of God upon me.

I was willing to show the esteem I had for my husband, in causing the
most magnificent funeral to be made for him at my own expense. I paid
off the legacies he had left. My mother-in-law violently opposed
everything I could do for securing my own interests. I had nobody to
apply to for advice or help; for my brother would not give me the least
assistance. I was ignorant of business affairs; but God, independent of
my natural understandings, always made me fit for everything that
pleased Him, and supplied me with such a perfect intelligence that I
succeeded. I omitted not the least minutia, and was surprised that in
these matters I should know without ever having learned. I digested all
my papers, and regulated all my affairs, without assistance from any
one. My husband had abundance of writings deposited in his hands. I
took an exact inventory of them, and sent them severally to their
owners, which, without divine assistance, would have been very
difficult for me; because, my husband having been a long time sick,
everything was in the greatest confusion. This gained me the reputation
of being a skillful woman.

There was one mat