st to his wife in Indianapolis!"

His listeners--with one exception, who sat silent and reflective--gave
vent to loud murmurs of wonder and admiration.

"Now, it may sound thin," added the speaker, "but it is true,
nevertheless."

"Oh, I don't doubt it at all!" quickly rejoined the quiet one; "I was
only wondering what he does with the dollar!"

An Irish soldier was recently given leave of absence the morning after
pay day. When his leave expired he didn't appear. He was brought at last
before the commandant for sentence, and the following dialogue is
recorded:

"Well, Murphy, you look as if you had had a severe engagement."

"Yes, sur."

"Have you any money left?"

"No, sur."

"You had $35 when you left the fort, didn't you?"

"Yes, sur."

"What did you do with it?"

"Well, sur, I was walking along and I met a friend, and we went into a
place and spint $8. Thin we came out and I met another friend and we
spint $8 more, and thin I come out and we met another friend and we
spint $8 more, and thin we come out and we met another bunch of friends,
and I spint $8 more--and thin I come home."

"But, Murphy, that makes only $32. What did you do with the other $3?"
Murphy thought. Then he shook his head slowly and said:

"I dunno, colonel, I reckon I must have squandered that money
foolishly."

FAILURES

Little Ikey came up to his father with a very solemn face. "Is it true,
father," he asked, "that marriage is a failure?"

His father surveyed him thoughtfully for a moment. "Well, Ikey," he
finally replied, "If you get a rich wife, it's almost as good as a
failure."

FAITH

Faith is that quality which leads a man to expect that his flowers and
garden will resemble the views shown on the seed packets.--_Country Life
in America_.

"What is faith, Johnny?" asks the Sunday school teacher.

"Pa says," answers Johnny, "that it's readin' in the papers that the
price o' things has come down, an expectin' to find it true when the
bills comes in."

Faith is believing the dentist when he says it isn't going to hurt.

"As I understand it, Doctor, if I believe I'm well, I'll be well. Is
that the idea?"

"It is."

"Then, if you believe you are paid, I suppose you'll be paid."

"Not necessarily."

"But why shouldn't faith work as well in one case as in the other?"

"Why, you see, there is considerable difference between having faith in
Providence and having faith in you."--_Horac