g was studying English conjugations, and each verb
considered was used in a model sentence, so that the students would gain
the benefit of pronouncing the connected series of words, as well as
learning the varying forms of the verb. This morning it was the verb "to
have" in the sentence, "I have a gold mine."

Herr Schmitz was called to his feet by Professor Wulff.

"Conjugate 'do haff' in der sentence, 'I haff a golt mine," the
professor ordered.

"I haff a golt mine, du hast a golt dein, he hass a golt hiss. Ve, you
or dey haff a golt ours, yours or deirs, as de case may be."

Language is the expression of ideas, and if the people of one country
cannot preserve an identity of ideas, they cannot retain an identity of
language.--_Noah Webster_.

ENGLISHMEN

He who laughs last is an Englishman.--_Princeton Tiger_.

Nat Goodwill was at the club with an English friend and became the
center of an appreciative group. A cigar man offered the comedian a
cigar, saying that it was a new production.

"With each cigar, you understand," the promoter said, "I will give a
coupon, and when you have smoked three thousand of them you may bring
the coupons to me and exchange them for a grand piano."

Nat sniffed the cigar, pinched it gently, and then replied: "If I smoked
three thousand of these cigars I think I would need a harp instead of a
grand piano."

There was a burst of laughter in which the Englishman did not join, but
presently he exploded with merriment. "I see the point" he exclaimed.
"Being an actor, you have to travel around the country a great deal and
a harp would be so much more convenient to carry."

ENTHUSIASM

Theodore Watts, says Charles Rowley in his book "Fifty Years of Work
Without Wages," tells a good story against himself. A nature enthusiast,
he was climbing Snowdon, and overtook an old gypsy woman. He began to
dilate upon the sublimity of the scenery, in somewhat gushing phrases.
The woman paid no attention to him. Provoked by her irresponsiveness, he
said, "You don't seem to care for this magnificent scenery?" She took
the pipe from her mouth and delivered this settler: "I enjies it; I
don't jabber."

EPITAPHS

LITTLE CLARENCE--"Pa!"

HIS FATHER--"Well, my son?"

LITTLE CLARENCE--"I took a walk through the cemetery to-day and read the
inscriptions on the tombstones."

HIS FATHER--"And what were your thoughts after you had done so?"

LITTLE CLARENCE--"Why, pa