s._ At the fishmonger's. Where do you suppose I bought it?

_Jones._ Well, I thought that, _perhaps_, there might have been a
remnant sale at the Royal Aquarium!

* * * * *

EXCUSE FOR DRINKING BEFORE DINNER.--To whet the appetite.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Voice from above._ "What are you doing down there,
Parkins?"

_Parkins._ "I'm jush--puttin' away the port, shir!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Commissionaire._ "Would you like a four-wheeler or a
'ansom sir?" _Convivial Party_ (_indistinctly_). "Ver' mush
oblige--but--reely don't think I _could_ take 'ny more!"]

* * * * *

RICE AND PRUNES

Rice and prunes a household journal
Called the chief of household boons;
Hence my mother cooks diurnal
Rice and prunes.

Therefore on successive noons,
Sombre fruit and snowy kernel
Woo reluctant forks and spoons.

As the ear, when leaves are vernal,
Wearies of the blackbird's tunes,
So we weary of eternal
Rice and prunes.

* * * * *

NEVER SPEAK IN A HURRY

THE HOSPITABLE JONES. Yes, we're in the same old place, where you dined
with us last year. By the bye, old man, I wish you and your wife would
come and take pot-luck with us again on the----

_The Impulsive Brown (in the eagerness of his determination never again
to take pot-luck with the Joneses)._ My _dear_ fellow! _So_ sorry! But
we're engaged on the--a--on the--er--on th-th-that evening!

_Poor Jones (pathetically)._ Well, old man, you _might_ have given me
time just to _name the day_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "WHO PAYS THE PIPER CALLS THE TUNE"

_Johnnie (to waiter)._ "Aw--you're the boss--head waiter, eh?"

_Waiter._ "Yessir."

_Johnnie._ "Ah, well, just--ah--send up to your _orchestra chaps_, and
tell 'em I really can't eat my dinner to _that_ tune."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: A LAST RESOURCE.--A happy and independent bachelor finds
himself suddenly disappointed of his Christmas party in the country; he
has ordered nothing at home, has given his cook and man-servant leave to
invite their friends; his intimate companions are out of town, and, on
arriving at his club, he is informed by the hall porter that "there is
no dinner to-night, as the servants are having a party." Only one
resou