you would be deceived! It was a cup, not the pure
article! My butler is a first-rate hand at it. I will give you the
recipe if you like.

_Smith._ Do. It was excellent. What _is_ the secret?

_Brown._ Something, I fancy, to do with watercress.

_Jones._ I say, Brown, that was really very nice sherbet. Turkish or
Persian?

_Brown._ Neither. Came from the Stores. Home-made.

_Jones._ Well, it certainly was capital. I could have sworn that it had
been manufactured east of the Levant.

_Brown._ More likely east of Temple Bar. And now shall we have a
whitewash before we join the ladies?

_Six Guests._ No, thanks! Really not!

_Half-a-dozen more of the Company._ Really not! No, thanks!

_Brown._ Nonsense! (_Produces a pint bottle of lemonade._) Nonsense, I
repeat! Look here, my boys. (_Locks door._) Not one of you fellows shall
leave the room until you have finished _this_!

[_Draws cork of pint bottle, and distributes the lemonade amidst the
good-natured protestations of the revellers. Scene closes in upon
the temperance orgy._

* * * * *

[Illustration: A PERSONAL GRIEVANCE

"I say, won't they let _you_ go into long trousers?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: STUDIES IN ANIMAL LIFE

THE GOORMONG. (_Epicuri de Grege Porcus. British Isles_)

_Mr. Huggins._ "_What_ a 'eavenly dinner it was!"

_Mr. Buggins._ "B'lieve yer! Mykes yer wish yer was born 'oller!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE NEW SCHOOL.--_Uncle_ (_who is rather proud of his
cellar_). "Now George, my boy, there's a glass of champagne for
you--don't get such stuff at school, eh? eh? eh?"

_George._ "H'm--awfully sweet! Very good sort for ladies--but I've
arrived at a time of life, when I confess I like my wine _dry_!"
(_Sensation._)]

* * * * *

[Illustration: PLEASANT!--_Lord Reginald Sansdenier_ (_in answer to
confidential remark of his host_). "Twenty thousand pounds worth of
plate on the table, Sir Gorgius? I wonder you ain't afraid of being
robbed!"

_Sir Gorgius Midas._ "_Robbed_, my lord! Good 'evens! I'm sure yer
lordship's too honnerable heven to _think_ of sich a thing!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Farmer._ "I say, John, what do you call a pineapple--a
fruit or a vegetable?"

_Waiter._ "A pineapple hain't neither, gentlemen. A pineapple is always
a hextra!"]