: AN AWFUL CRAMMER

_Proprietor of boarding-house_ (_taking stout guest aside_). "You'll
excuse me, Mr. Sharpset, but your appetite is so large that I shall be
compelled to charge you a shilling extra. It can't be done at two
shillings!"

_Diner._ "No! For heaven's sake don't do that! I can eat two
shillings'-worth easy; but if I have to do three--I really--afraid I
should--but I'll try!!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE BETTING EVIL.

_Waiter_ (_down tube_). "Wild duck, one!"

_Voice from the kitchen._ "Did he? Just like my luck. Backed another
wrong 'un!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: NOT VERY LIKELY

_Waiter_ (_in response to the Colonel's very vigorous reminder_). "Oh
yes, sir, immediately! 'M--let's see--a _glass of milk_, sir, wasn't
it?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: FIGURATIVE

_Head Waiter_ (_the Old Gent had wished for a stronger cheese_). "Hi!
James--let loose the Gorgonzola!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: BEWILDERING

_Mr. Wuzzles_ (_up for the cattle-show_). "Cheese, waiter!"

'_Robert._' "Yessir! Rockfor', commonbare, grew'ere, noochattell,
gorgumzo----"

_Mr. Wuzzles_ (_testily_). "No, no! I said _cheese_!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: "ON THE FACE OF IT"

_Host._ "I don't like this Lafitte half so well as the last, Binns. Have
you noticed any difference?"

_New Butler._ "Well, sir, for myself I don't drink claret; I find port
agrees with me so much better!!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: AWFUL WARNING!--_Guest_ (_at City Company dinner_). "I'm
uncommonly hungry!"

_Ancient Liveryman_ (_with feeling_). "Take care, my dear sir, for
goodness' sake, take care! D' you know it happened to me at the last
Lord Mayor's dinner to burn my tongue with my first spoonful of clear
turtle; 'consequence was--(_sighs_)--'couldn't taste at
all--anything--for the rest of the evening!!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: It is quite possible to have too much of a good thing--as
for example, when you get the asparagus shot over your favourite
dress-coat with the silk facings.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Testy Old Uncle_ (_unable to control his passion_).

"Really, sir, this is quite intolerable! You must intend to insult me.
For the last fourteen days, wher