ure!

_The F. C._ They do indeed, madam. I am told that the Concentrated Food
Stores will shortly be able to place on the market a series of graduated
wafers, each containing a complete dinner, from a City banquet to a
cutlet, at prices to correspond with the number of courses required.

_Hostess._ Delightful! And then the most expensive dinners will be all
over in a minute, instead of dragging on to ten minutes or a quarter of
an hour, as I've known them to do sometimes! I've often thought what a
pity it is that we waste so much precious time as we do in merely
supplying our bodily wants.

_The F. C._ We are improving, madam, slowly improving. And what about
sweets, cheese, and savouries?

_Hostess._ I might have one of those two-inch blocks of condensed
apple-tart, and a box of cheese pills--_no_ savouries. You see, it's
only a _family_ party!

_The F. C._ Exactly so, madam. And shall you be needing anything in the
way of stimulants?

_Hostess._ Let me see--you may send me in a couple of ounces of
acidulated champagne drops--the _Australian_ quality, _not_ the French,
they're twopence an ounce dearer, and so few people notice the
difference nowadays, do they?

_The F. C._ (_to himself_). Not until the next morning! (_Aloud._) And
liqueurs? Any brandy-balls with the coffee creams? We have some very
fine essence-of-dessert jellies----. _Hostess_ Nothing more, thank you.
(_To herself as she departs._) I'm sure I've spent quite enough as it is
on John's stingy old relations, who never ask us to have so much as a
lunch-lozenge or a tea-tabloid with them!

* * * * *

_Lady of uncertain age_ (_discussing dinner party_). No, I cannot say it
was very complimentary; they gave me to an archaeologist to take down.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Old Jones._ "Yes, my boy, _there's_ wine for you, eh? I
bought ten pounds worth of it the other day."

_Brown._ "What a _lot_ you must have got!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: A BIG ORDER

_Stout Party_ (_to waitress_), "Put me on a pancake, please!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: AT A LITERARY AND ARTISTIC BANQUET.--_Waiter_ (_to
colleague_). "Well, they may 'ave the intellec', Fred, but we certainly
'as the good looks!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: Why not a phonographic after-dinner speech machine?
Celebrities could be