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RAMBLING RONDEAUX

_At Table d'hote_

At _table d'hote_, I quite decline
To sit there and attempt to dine!
Of course you never dine, but "feed,"
And gobble up with fearsome greed
A hurried meal you can't define.

The room is close, and, I opine,
I should not like the food or wine;
While all the guests are dull indeed
At _table d'hote_!

The clatter and the heat combine
One's appetite to undermine.
When noisy waiters take no heed,
But change the plates at railway speed--
I feel compelled to "draw my line"
At _table d'hote_!

* * * * *

SUFFICIENT EXCUSE

_Jones_ (_to Brown_). I say, old fellow, I saw you last night, after
that dinner. Your legs were uncommonly unsteady.

_Brown._ No, dear boy; legs were right enough. It was my trousers that
were so "tight."

* * * * *

[Illustration: CRUEL!--_Lucullus Brown_ (_on hospitable purpose
intent_). "Are you dining anywhere to-morrow night?" _Jones_ (_not
liking to absolutely "give himself away"_). "Let me
see"--(_considers_)--"No; I'm not dining anywhere to-morrow." _Lucullus
Brown_ (_seeing through the artifice_). "Um! Poor chap! How hungry you
will be!" ["_Exeunt,--severally._"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: CANDID!

_Simultaneously_

_Host (smacking his lips)._ "Now, what do you say to that glass of
she----"

_Guest._ "My dear fellow, where did you get this abominable Marsala?"]

* * * * *

GUESTS TO BE AVOIDED

"Hullo, old man! How is it you're dining at the club? Thought your wife
told me she had the Browns and Smiths to dinner this evening?"

"No--that was yesterday. This evening she has the odds and ends."

* * * * *

SECTARIAN

"Hullo, John! What a jolly dish! Potatoes, greens, carrots, beans! Who's
it for?"

"Mr. Binks, sir."

"Is Mr. Binks a _vegetarian_?"

"Oh no, sir! I believe he's Church of England!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: "TO PUT IT BROADLY"

_Improvised Butler_ (_to distinguished guest_). "Will ye take anny more
drink, sor?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _First Customer._ "Waiter, a fried sole."

_Second Customer._ "Bring me a fried sole, too, waiter--and mind it is
fresh."

_Waiter._ "Two fried soles--one fresh!"]

*