ation: A CONNOISSEUR.--_Sir Pompey Bedell._ "This bottle of
Romanee-conti seems rather cloudy, Brown! It _ought_ to be all right. I
know it stands me in _twelve guineas a dozen_!"

_The New Butler._ "There certainly _his_ some sediment, Sir Pompey; but
it's of no consequence whatever! I tried a bottle of it _myself_ the
other day, and found it first-rate!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: A PIOUS FRAUD!

"Hullo, Monty, what have you got in your button-hole? You don't mean to
say you've joined the blue ribbon army?"

"Yes; for this night only. Going to dine with Jakes. Don't want to hurt
poor old Jakes' feelings--don't want to be poisoned by his beastly wine.
See?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: IN THE DAYS OF THE CRINOLINE--DINING UNDER DIFFICULTIES]

* * * * *

[Illustration: REPLETION.--_Robert._ "Pudding or cheese, sir?"

_Abstracted Editor._ "Owing to pressure of other matter, 'regret we are
unable to find room for it!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Brown_ (_who has been dining at the club with Jones_).
"Just come in a minute, old fellow, and have a night-cap."

_Jones._ "I'm afraid it's getting a little late. Let's see how's the
enemy."

_Brown._ "Oh! that's all right. _She's_ in bed."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: INNOCENTS IN THE CITY

_Mrs. Fitznoodle_ (_evidently not well versed in the delicacies of a
Guildhall feast_). "Freddy, dear, can you tell me what _is_ the
difference between 'calipash' and 'calipee'?"

_Colonel Fitznoodle_ (_hesitating, and looking round for an
answer_). "Certainly, my dear. Exactly the difference there is between
'Gog' and 'Magog'!"]

* * * * *

DINNERS AND DINERS

(_With apologies to the P-ll M-ll G-z-tte_)

It had been my good fortune to give to Mademoiselle Faustine, a charming
little actress, a tip for the Welter Plate last spring. What more
natural than that I should ask her to give me a dinner as some slight
return? She readily accepted, and asked me to name the day. Glancing at
the sixth volume of my engagement book, I found my first vacant date was
June 18, '97. This was fortunate, as it is hardly possible--except at
Voisin's--to get a decent dinner unless you order it a year in advance.

"Where shall we dine?" asked Faustine.

"There is only one place where people _do_ dine,