be _just_ to kill _this here_ man, without _one_ were sure he came with
an _unjust_ intention? so I _just_ cried out _hem!_ upon which he fell
to the ground, and there he _laid_, and I could _just_ see that he
looked _just_ as if he was dead; so I _just_ asked him what business he
had in _that there_ room? Poor man! he could _just_ speak, and said he
had _just_ come to see Mary!

SINCERE REGRET.

TO a gentleman who was continually lamenting the loss of his first wife
before his second, she one day said, "_Indeed, Sir, no one regrets her
more than I do._"

HARD CASE.

A POLITE young lady recently asserted that she had lived near a
barn-yard, and that it was impossible for her to sleep in the morning,
on account of the outcry made by a "gentleman hen."

BIG WORDS.

THE best hit we have lately seen at the _rather_ American fashion of
employing big crooked words, instead of little straight ones, is in the
following dialogue between a highfalutin lawyer and a plain witness:

"Did the defendant knock the plaintiff down with _malice prepense_?"

"No, Sir; he knocked him down with a flat-iron."

"You misunderstand me, my friend; I want to know whether he attacked him
with any evil intent?"

"O no, Sir, it was outside of the tent."

"No, no; I wish you to tell me whether the attack was at all a
preconcerted affair?"

"No, Sir; it was not a free concert affair--it was at a circus."

LACONIC AND DECISIVE.

A WEALTHY Jew, having made several ineffectual applications for leave to
quit Berlin, at length sent a letter to the king imploring permission to
travel for the benefit of his health, to which he received the following
answer:

"Dear Ephraim,

"Nothing but death shall part us.

"FREDERICK."

THEATRICAL CRITICISM.

WHEN Woodward first played Sir John Brute, Garrick was present. A few
days after, when they met, Woodward asked Garrick how he liked him in
the part, adding, "I think I struck out some beauties in it." "_I
think,_" said Garrick, "_that you struck out all the beauties in it._"

A MISTAKE.

FREDRICK I. of Prussia, when a new soldier appeared on the parade, was
wont to ask him, "How old are you?--how long have you been in my
service?--have you received your pay and clothing?" A young Frenchman
who had volunteered into the service, being informed by his officer of
the questions which the monarch would ask, took care to have the answers
ready. Th