ion applied to the
post-office to know why some of his franked letters had been _charged_.
He was told that the name on the letter did not appear to be in his
handwriting. "It was not," he replied, "_precisely_ the same; but the
truth is, I happened to be a _little tipsy_ when I franked
them."--"Then, sir, will you be so good in future as to write _drunk_
when you make _free_?"

MCCXVIII.--FICTION AND TRUTH.

WALLER, the poet, who was bred at King's College, wrote a fine panegyric
on Cromwell, when he assumed the protectorship. Upon the restoration of
Charles, Waller wrote another in praise of him, and presented it to the
king in person. After his majesty had read the poem, he told Waller that
he wrote a better on Cromwell. "Please your majesty," said Waller, like
a true courtier, "we poets are always more happy in _fiction_ than in
_truth_."

MCCXIX.--A TAVERN DINNER.

A PARTY of _bon-vivants_, having drunk an immense quantity of wine, rang
for the bill. The bill was accordingly brought, but the amount appeared
so enormous to one of the company (not quite so far gone as the rest)
that he stammered out, it was impossible so many bottles could have been
drunk by seven persons. "True, sir," said the waiter, "but your honor
forgets the three gentlemen _under the table_."

MCCXX.--A FULL STOP.

A GENTLEMAN was speaking of the kindness of his friends in visiting him.
One old aunt, in particular, visited him _twice_ a year, and stayed _six
months_ each time.

MCCXXI.--FAT AND LEAN.

A MAN, praising porter, said it was so excellent a beverage, that,
though taken in great quantities, it always made him fat. "I have seen
the time," said another, "when it made you lean,"--"When? I should be
glad to know," inquired the eulogist. "Why, no longer ago than last
night,--_against a wall_."

MCCXXII.--SELF-CONDEMNATION.

JOSEPH II., emperor of Germany, travelling in his usual way, without his
retinue, attended by only a single aide-de-camp, arrived very late at
the house of an Englishman, who kept an inn in the Netherlands. After
eating a few slices of ham and biscuit, the emperor and his attendant
retired to rest, and in the morning paid their bill, which amounted to
only three shillings and sixpence, English, and rode off. A few hours
afterwards, several of his suite arrived, and the publican,
understanding the rank of his guest, appeared very uneasy. "Psha! psha!
man," s