out laughing, and went out of the
room with her apron stuffed in her mouth, and the boy felt as though it
was unhealthy to tarry too long at the table and he went out.

Left alone with his wife the old man took the rubber macaroni from his
mouth and laid it on his plate, and he and his wife held an inquest
over it. The wife tried to spear it with a fork, but couldn't make any
impression on it, and then she see it was rubber hose, and told the old
man. He was mad and glad, at the same time; glad because he had found
that his teeth where not to blame, and mad because the grocer had sold
him boarding house macaroni. Then the girl came in and was put on the
confessional, and told all, and presently there was a sound of revelry
by night, in the wood shed, and the still, small voice was saying, "O,
Pa, don't! you said you didn't care for innocent jokes. Oh!" And then
the old man, between the strokes of the piece of clap-board would say,
"Feed your father a hose cart next, won't ye. Be firing car springs and
clothes wringers down me next, eh? Put some gravy on a rubber overcoat,
probably, and serve it to me for salad. Try a piece of overshoe, with a
bone in it, for my beefsteak, likely. Give your poor old father a slice
of rubber bib in place of tripe to-morrow, I expect. Boil me a rubber
water bag for apple dumplings, pretty soon, if I don't look out. There!
You go and split the kindling wood." 'Twas ever thus. A boy cant have
any fun now days.

CHAPTER III.

THE BAD BOY GIVES HIS PA AWAY--PA IS A HARD CITIZEN--
DRINKING SOZODONT--MAKING UP THE SPARE BED--THE MIDNIGHT
WAR-DANCE--AN APPOINTMENT BY THE COAL BIN.

The bad boy's mother was out of town for a week, and when she came home
she found everything topsy turvey. The beds were all mussed up, and
there was not a thing hung up anywhere. She called the bad boy and asked
him what in the deuce had been going on, and he made it pleasant for his
Pa about as follows:

"Well, Ma, I know I will get killed, but I shall die like a man. When
Pa met you at the depot he looked too innocent for any kind of use,
but he's a hard citizen, and don't you forget it. He hasn't been home
a single night till after eleven o'clock, and he was tired every night,
and he had somebody come home with him."

"O, heavens, Hennery," said the mother, with a sigh, "are you sure about
this?"

"Sure!" says the bad boy, "I was on to the whole racket. The first
night they came home