so he left the ice in his boots to melt, and he said
all the morning that he felt as though he had sweat his boots full.
But that was not the worst. You know, Pa he wears a liver-pad. Well, on
Saturday my chum and me was out on the lake shore and we found a nest
of ants, these little red ants, and I got a pop bottle half full of the
ants and took them home. I didn't know what I would do with the ants,
but ants are always handy to have in the house. This morning, when Pa
was dressing for church, I saw his liver-pad on a chair, and noticed a
hole in it, and I thought what a good place it would be for the ants. I
don't know what possessed me, but I took the liver-pad into my room, and
opened the bottle, and put the hole over the mouth of the bottle and
I guess the ants thought there was something to eat in the liver-pad,
cause they all went into it, and they crawled around in the bran and
condition powders inside of it, and I took it back to Pa, and he put
it on under his shirt, and dressed himself, and we went to church. Pa
squirmed a little when the minister was praying, and I guess some of the
ants had come out to view the landscape o'er. When we got up to sing
the hymn Pa kept kicking, as though he was nervous, and he felt down his
neck and looked sort of wild, this way he did when he had the jim-jams.
When we sat down Pa couldn't keep still, and I like to dide when I saw
some of the ants come out of his shirt bosom and go racing around his
white vest. Pa tried to look pious, and resigned, but he couldn't
keep his legs still, and he sweat mor'n a pail full. When the minister
preached about "the worm that never dieth," Pa reached into his vest and
scratched his ribs, and he looked as though he would give ten dollars if
the minister would get through. Ma she looked at Pa as though she would
bite his head off, but Pa he just squirmed, and acted as though his soul
was on fire. Say, does ants bite, or just crawl around? Well, when the
minister said amen, and prayed the second round, and then said a brother
who was a missionary to the heathen would like to make a few remarks
about the work of the missionaries in Bengal, and take up a collection,
Pa told Ma they would have to excuse _him_, and he lit out for home,
slapping himself on the legs and on the arms and on the back, and he
acted crazy. Ma and me went home, after the heathen got through,
and found Pa in his bed room, with part of his clothes off, and the
liver-pad was o