o sick this
morning that he can't get up. You see, since the burglars got into
Magie's, Pa has been telling what he would do if the burglars got into
our house. He said he would jump out of bed and knock one senseless with
his fist, and throw the other over the banister. I told my chum Pa was
a coward, and we fixed up like burglars, with masks on, and I had Pa's
long hunting boots on, and we pulled caps down over our eyes, and looked
fit to frighten a policeman. I took Pa's meerschaum pipe case and tied
a little piece of ice over the end the stem goes in, and after Pa and
Ma was asleep we went in the room, and I put the cold muzzle of the ice
revolver to Pa's temple, and when he woke up I told him if he moved a
muscle or said a word I would spatter the wall and the counterpane with
his brains. He closed his eyes and began to pray. Then I stood off and
told him to hold up his hands, and tell me where the valuables was. He
held up his hands, and sat up in bed, and sweat and trembled, and told
us the change was in his left hand pants pocket, and that Ma's money
purse was in the bureau drawer in the cuff box, and my chum went and got
them, Pa shook so the bed fairly squeaked and I told him I was a good
notion to shoot a few holes in him just for fun, and he cried and said
please Mr. Burglar, take all I have got, but spare a poor old man's
life, who never did any harm! Then I told him to lay down on his stomach
and pull the clothes over his head, and stick his feet over the foot
board, and he did it, and I took a shawl strap and was strapping his feet
together, and he was scared, I tell you. It would have been all right
if Ma hadn't woke up. Pa trembled so Ma woke up and thought he had the
ager, and my chum turned up the light to see how much there was in Ma's
purse, and Ma see me, and asked me what I was doing and I told her I
was a burglar, robbing the house. I don't know whether Ma tumbled to the
racket or not, but she threw a pillow at me, and said "get out of
here or I'll take you across my knee," and she got up and we run. She
followed us to my room, and took Pa's jointed fish pole and mauled us
both until I don't want any more burgling, and my chum says he will
never speak to me again. I didn't think Ma had so much sand. She is
brave as a lion, and Pa is a regular squaw. Pa sent for me to come to
his room this morning, but I ain't well, and am going out to Pewaukee to
camp out till the burglar scare is over. If Pa comes