mistress--the _English_ to the
people--the _Spanish_ to God--and the _German_ to a horse."

CON. OF THE SILVER FORK SCHOOL.

WHY is a man eating soup with a fork like another kissing his
sweetheart? Do you give it up?

Because it takes so long to get enough of it.

DOG-FANCYING; OR INJURED INNOCENCE.

BOB PICKERING, short, squat, and squinting, with a yellow "wipe" round
his "squeeze," was put to the bar on violent suspicion of dog-stealing.

_Mr. Davis_, Silk-mercer, Dover-street, Piccadilly, said:--About an hour
before he entered the office, while sitting in his parlor, he heard a
loud barking noise, which he was convinced was made by a favorite little
dog, his property. He went out, and in the passage caught the prisoner
in the act of conveying it into the street in his arms.

_Mr. Dyer:_ What have you to say? You are charged with attempting to
steal the dog.

_Prisoner:_ (_affecting a look of astonishment_)--Vot, me _steal_ a dog?
Vy, I'm ready and villing to take my solomon hoth 'at I'm hinnocent of
sitch an hadwenture. Here's the _factotal_ of the consarn as I'm a
honest man. I vos a coming along Hoxfud-street, ven I seed this here
poor dumb hanimal a running about vith not nobody arter him, and a
looking jest as if he vas complete lost. Vhile I vos in this here
sittivation, a perfect gentleman comes up to me, and says he, "Vot a
cussed shame," says he, "that 'ere handsome young dog should be vithout
a nateral pertectur! I'm blow'd, young man," says he, "if I vos you if I
vouldn't pick it up and prewent the wehicles from a hurting on it; and,"
says he, "I'd adwise you, 'cause you looks so _werry honest_ and so
werry respectable, to take pity on the poor dumb dog and go and buy it a
ha'porth of wittles." Vell, my lord, you see I naterally complied vith
his demand, and vos valking avay vith it for to look for a prime bit of
_bowwow_ grub, ven up comes this here good gentleman, and vants to
swear as how I vos arter _prigging_ on it!

_Mr. Dyer:_ How do you get your living?

_Prisoner:_ Vorks along vith my father and mother--and lives vith my
relations wot's perticler respectable.

_Mr. Dyer:_ Policeman, do you know anything of the prisoner?

_Policeman:_ The prisoner's three brothers were transported last
session, and his mother and father are now in Clerkenwell. The prisoner
has been a dog-stealer for years.

_Prisoner:_ Take care vot you say--if you proves your vords, vy my
carrecter