g looks worse on a lady than darned
stockings." Allow us to observe that stockings which _need darning_ look
much worse than darned ones--Darned if they don't!

GO IT.

IT is astonishing how "toddy" promotes independence. A Philadelphia old
"brick," lying, a day or two since, in the gutter in a very spiritual
manner, was advised in a friendly way to economize, as "flour was going
up." "Let it go up," said old bottlenose, "I kin git as 'high' as flour
kin--any day."

TAPPING.

A GENTLEMAN in the Highlands of Scotland was attacked with a dropsy,
brought on by a too zealous attachment to his bottle; and it gained upon
him, at length, to such a degree, that he found it necessary to abstain
entirely from all spirituous liquors. Yet though discharged from
drinking himself, he was not hindered from making a bowl of punch to his
friends. He was sitting at this employment, when his physicians, who had
been consulting in an adjoining room, came in to tell him, that they had
just come to a resolution to tap him. "You may tap me as you please,"
said the old gentleman, "but ne'er a thing was ever tapped in my house
that lasted long."

The saying was but too true, he was tapped that evening, and died the
next day.

DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND.

A FEW weeks ago a "sporting character" _looked in_ at the Hygeia Hotel,
just to see if he could fall in with any subjects, but finding none, and
understanding from the respectful proprietor, Mr. Parks, that he could
not be accommodated with a private room wherein to exercise the
mysteries of his craft, he felt the time begin to hang heavy on his
hands; so in order to dispel _ennui_ he took out a pack of cards and
began to amuse the by-standers in the bar-room with a number of
ingenious tricks with them, which soon drew a crowd around him. "Now,"
said he, after giving them a good shuffle and slapping the pack down
upon the table, "I'll bet any man ten dollars I can cut the Jack of
hearts at the first attempt." Nobody seemed inclined to take him up,
however, till at last a weather-beaten New England skipper, in a
pea-jacket, stumped him by exclaiming, "Darned if I don't bet you! But
stop; let me see if all's right." Then taking up and inspecting it, as
if to see that there was no deception in it, he returned it to the
table, and began to fumble about in a side pocket, first taking out a
jack-knife, then a twist of tobacco, &c., till he produced a roll of
bank notes, fro