to whom all things human made their sharp appeal.

The So-Called
Human Race

A LINE-O'-TYPE OR TWO

_Motto: Hew to the Line, let the quips fall where they may._

SIMPLE

My readers are a varied lot;
Their tastes do not agree.
A squib that tickles A is not
At all the thing for B.

What's sense to J, is folderol
To K, but pleases Q.
So, when I come to fill the Col,
I know just what to do.

* * *

It is refreshing to find in the society columns an account of a quiet
wedding. The conventional screams of a groom are rather trying.

* * *

A man will sit around smoking all day and his wife will remark: "My
dear, aren't you smoking too much?" The doctor cuts him down to three
cigars a day, and his wife remarks: "My dear, aren't you smoking too
much?" Finally he chops off to a single after-dinner smoke, and when he
lights up his wife remarks: "John, you do nothing but smoke all day
long." Women are singularly observant.

* * *

NO DOUBT THERE ARE OTHERS.

Sir: A gadder friend of mine has been on the road so long that he always
speaks of the parlor in his house as the lobby. E. C. M.

* * *

With the possible exception of Trotzky, Mr. Hearst is the busiest person
politically that one is able to wot of. Such boundless zeal! Such
measureless energy! Such genius--an infinite capacity for giving pains!

* * *

Ancestor worship is not peculiar to any tribe or nation. We observed
last evening, on North Clark street, a crowd shaking hands in turn with
an organ-grinder's monkey.

* * *

"In fact," says an editorial on Uncongenial Clubs, "a man may go to a
club to get away from congenial spirits." True. And is there any more
uncongenial club than the Human Race? The service is bad, the membership
is frightfully promiscuous, and about the only place to which one can
escape is the library. It is always quiet there.

* * *

Sign in the Black Hawk Hotel, Byron, Ill.: "If you think you are witty
send your thoughts to B. L. T., care Chicago Tribune. Do not spring them
on the help. It hurts efficiency."

* * *

AN OBSERVANT KANSAN.

[From the Emporia Gazette.]

The handsome clerk at the Harvey House makes this profound observation:
Any girl will flirt as the