a Maroon, the cab will come to a stop.

* * *

A neat and serviceable Christmas gift is a sawed-off shotgun. Carried in
your limousine, it may aid in saving your jewels when returning from the
opera.

* * *

"The entertainment committee of the Union League Club," so it says, "is
with considerable effort spending some of your money to please you." In
the clubs to which we belong there is no observable effort.

* * *

Certain toadstools are colored a pizenous pink underneath; a shade which
is also found on the cheeks of damosels and dames whom you see on the
avenue. Poor kalsomining, we call it.

* * *

When we begin to read a book we begin with the title page; but many
people, probably most, begin at "Chapter I." We have recommended books
to friends, and they have read them; and then they have said, "Tell me
something about the author." The preface would have told them, but they
do not read prefaces. Do you?

* * *

Although ongweed to the extinction point by the subject of names, we
have no right to assume that the subject is not of lively interest to
other people. So let it be recorded that George Demon was arrested in
Council Bluffs for beating his wife. Also, Miss Elsie Hugger is director
of dancing in the Ithaca Conservatory of Music. Furthermore, S. W. Henn
of the Iowa State College was selected as a judge for the National
Poultry Show. Moreover, G. O. Wildhack is in the automobile business in
Indianapolis, and Mrs. Cataract takes in washing in Peoria. Sleepy
weather, isn't it?

* * *

SUCH A ONE MIGHT HAVE DRAWN PRIAM'S CURTAIN IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT, AND
TOLD HIM HALF HIS TROY WAS BURNED.

[From the Eagle Grove, Ia., Eagle.]

The Rev. Winter was pastor of the M. E. Church many years ago, at the
time it was destroyed by a cyclone. Engineer Sam Wood broke the news to
Mr. Winter gently by shouting: "Your church has all blown to hell,
Elder!"

* * *

THE ENRAPTURED REPORTER.

[From the Lewisville, Ark., Recorder.]

The evening was most propitious. The air was balmy. The fragrance of
flowers was patent in the breeze. The limpid moonlight, in a glow of
beauty, kissed the hills and valleys. While from the vines and bushes
the merry twitter of playful birds, symphonies soft and low, entranced
with other delight, the romantic party goers. Now a still other delight
was