fully of the Monroe Doctrine as Jeffrey once spoke of the
Equator. This the man denied vigorously. He avowed that he loved the
Monroe Doctrine, that he was willing to fight for it, and, if
necessary, to die for it. All he had said was that he didn't know what
it was about.

* * *

"There will be no speeches. The entire evening will be given over to
entertainment."--Duluth News-Tribune.

At least prohibition is a check on oratory.

* * *

We have just been talking to an optimist, whose nerves have been getting
shaky. We fancy that a straw vote of the rocking-chair fleet on a
sanitarium porch would show a preponderance of optimists. What brought
them there? Worry, which is brother to optimism. We attribute our good
health and reasonable amount of hair to the fact that we never flirted
with optimism, except for a period of about five years, during which
time we lost more hair than in all the years since.

* * *

May we again point out that pessimism is the only cheerful philosophy?
The pessimist is not concerned over the so-called yellow peril--at least
the pessimist who subscribes to the theory of the degradation of energy.
Europe is losing its pep, but so is Asia. There may be a difference of
degree, but not enough to keep one from sleeping soundly o' nights. The
twentieth or twenty-first century can not produce so energetic a gang as
that which came out of Asia in the fifth century.

* * *

"If I had no duties," said Dr. Johnson, "and no reference to futurity, I
would spend my life in driving briskly in a postchaise with a pretty
woman." And we wonder whether the old boy, were he living now, would
choose, instead, a Ford.

* * *

In time of freeze prepare for thaw. And no better advice can be given
than Doc Robertson's: "Keep your feet dry and your gutters open."

* * *

There was an Irish meeting in Janesville the other night, and the press
reported that "Garlic songs were sung." And we recall another report of
a lecture on Yeats and the Garlic Revival. Just a moment, while we take
a look at the linotype keyboard....

* * *

THINGS WORTH KNOWING.

Sir: A method of helping oneself to soda crackers, successfully employed
by a traveling man, may be of interest to your boarding house readers.
Slice off a small piece of butter, leaving it on the knife, then reach
across t