penny _a pound_."

XXVII.--THREE CAUSES.

THREE gentlemen being in a coffee-house, one called for a dram, _because
he was hot_. "Bring me another," says his companion, "_because I am
cold_." The third, who sat by and heard them, very quietly called out,
"Here, boy, bring me a glass, _because I like it_."

XXVIII.--THE CONNOISSEUR.

A PERSON to whom the curiosities, buildings, &c., in Oxford were shown
one very hot day, was asked by his companion if he would see the
remainder of the University. "My dear sir," replied the connoisseur, "I
am _stone blind_ already."

XXIX.--A SYMBOL.

A SATIRIC poet underwent a severe drubbing, and was observed to walk
ever afterwards with a stick. "Mr. P. reminds me," says a wag, "of some
of the saints, who are always painted with _the symbols_ of their
martyrdom."

XXX.--THE ONE THING WANTING.

IN a small party, the subject turning on matrimony, a lady said to her
sister, "I wonder, my dear, you have never made a _match_; I think you
want the _brimstone_";--she replied, "No, not the _brimstone_, only the
_spark_."

XXXI.--A HORSE LAUGH.

A COACHMAN, extolling the sagacity of one of his horses, observed, that
"if anybody was to go for to use him ill, he would _bear malice_ like a
_Christian_."

XXXII.--ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER.

DR. A., physician at Newcastle, being summoned to a vestry, in order to
reprimand the sexton for drunkenness, he dwelt so long on the sexton's
misconduct, as to draw from him this expression: "Sir, I thought you
would have been the last man alive to appear against me, as _I have
covered so many blunders of yours_!"

XXXIII.--A NOVEL COMPLAINT.

A RICH man sent to call a physician for a slight disorder. The physician
felt his pulse, and said, "Do you eat well?"--"Yes," said the patient.
"Do you sleep well?"--"I do."--"Then," said the physician, "I shall give
you something to take away _all that_!"

XXXIV.--A CONJUGAL CAUTION.

SIR GEORGE ETHEREGE, having run up a score at Lockit's, absented himself
from the ordinary. In consequence of this, Mrs. Lockit was sent to dun
him and threaten him with an action. He told the messenger that he would
certainly kiss her if she stirred a step in it! On this, the message
being brought, she called for her hood and scarf, and told her husband,
who interposed, "that she should see if there was any fellow alive that
had the imp