onocle, and stared at her through it.

"Once and for all, Agatha," he said, "I beg you will remember that
although I may seem to be in reduced circumstances now, I come of an old
and distinguished family. My mother was not a cook."

"My ancestors came over in the 'Mayflower.'"

"That's nothing; my father descended from an aeroplane."--_Life_.

When in England, Governor Foss, of Massachusetts, had luncheon with a
prominent Englishman noted for boasting of his ancestry. Taking a coin
from his pocket, the Englishman said: "My great-great-grandfather was
made a lord by the king whose picture you see on this shilling."
"Indeed!" replied the governor, smiling, as he produced another coin.
"What a coincidence! My great-great-grandfather was made an angel by the
Indian whose picture you see on this cent."

People will not look forward to posterity, who never look backward to
their ancestors.--_Burke_.

From yon blue heavens above us bent,
The gardener Adam and his wife
Smile at the claims of long descent.

--_Tennyson_.

ANGER

Charlie and Nancy had quarreled. After their supper Mother tried to
re-establish friendly relations. She told them of the Bible verse, "Let
not the sun go down upon your wrath."

"Now, Charlie," she pleaded, "are you going to let the sun go down on
your wrath?"

Charlie squirmed a little. Then:

"Well, how can _I_ stop it?"

When a husband loses his temper he usually finds his wife's.

It is easy enough to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is the
bigger.

ANNIVERSARIES

MRS. JONES--"Does your husband remember your wedding anniversary?"

MRS. SMITH--"No; so I remind him of it in January and June, and get two
presents."

ANTIDOTES

"Suppose," asked the professor in chemistry, "that you were summoned to
the side of a patient who had accidentally swallowed a heavy dose of
oxalic acid, what would you administer?"

The student who, studying for the ministry, took chemistry because it
was obligatory in the course, replied, "I would administer the
sacrament."

APPEARANCES

"How fat and well your little boy looks."

"Ah, you should never judge from appearances. He's got a gumboil on one
side of his face and he has been stung by a wasp on the other."

APPLAUSE

A certain theatrical troupe, after a dreary and unsuccessful tour,
finally arrived in a small New Jersey town. That night, though there was
no furore or g