ee
that is unknown in the east.

Last summer a fruit grower who owns fifty acres of orchards was
rejoicing in one of these precipitations of moisture, when his hired man
came into the house.

"Why don't you stay in out of the rain?" asked the fruit-man.

"I don't mind a little dew like this," said the man. "I can work along
just the same."

"Oh, I'm not talking about that," exclaimed the fruit-man. "The next
time it rains, you can come into the house. I want that water on the
land."

They used to have a farming rule
Of forty acres and a mule.
Results were won by later men
With forty square feet and a hen.
And nowadays success we see
With forty inches and a bee.

--_Wasp_.

Blessed be agriculture! if one does not have too much of it.--_Charles
Dudley Warner_.

When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers, therefore, are the
founders of human civilization.--_Daniel Webster_.

ALARM CLOCKS

MIKE (in bed, to alarm-clock as it goes off)--"I fooled yez that time. I
was not aslape at all."

ALERTNESS

"Alert?" repeated a congressman, when questioned concerning one of his
political opponents. "Why, he's alert as a Providence bridegroom I heard
of the other day. You know how bridegrooms starting off on their
honeymoons sometimes forget all about their brides, and buy tickets only
for themselves? That is what happened to the Providence young man. And
when his wife said to him, 'Why, Tom, you bought only one ticket,' he
answered without a moment's hesitation, 'By Jove, you're right, dear!
I'd forgotten myself entirely!'"

ALIBI

A party of Manila army women were returning in an auto from a suburban
excursion when the driver unfortunately collided with another vehicle.
While a policeman was taking down the names of those concerned an
"English-speaking" Filipino law-student politely asked one of the ladies
how the accident had happened.

"I'm sure I don't know," she replied; "I was asleep when it occurred."

Proud of his knowledge of the Anglo-Saxon tongue, the youth replied:

"Ah, madam, then you will be able to prove a lullaby."

ALIMONY

"What is alimony, ma?"

"It is a man's cash surrender value."--_Town Topics_

The proof of the wedding is in the alimony.

ALLOWANCES

"Why don't you give your wife an allowance?"

"I did once, and she spent it before I could borrow it back."

ALTERNATIVES

_See_ Choices.