ected to by a farmer. Highly enraged, "Sir," said he to the farmer,
"do you know that I have been at two universities, and at two colleges
in each university?"--"Well, sir," replied the farmer, "what of that? I
had a calf that sucked two cows, and the observation I made was, the
_more he sucked_ the _greater calf_ he grew."

MCCCV.--HORSES TO GRASS.

IN an Irish paper was an advertisement for horses to stand at livery, on
the following terms:--

Long-tailed horses, at 3s. 6d. per week.
Short-tailed horses at 3s. per week.

On inquiry into the cause of the difference, it was answered, that the
horses with long tails could brush the flies off their backs while
eating, whereas the short-tailed horses were obliged to take their heads
_from the manger_.

MCCCVI.--INADVERTENCE AND EPICURISM.

WHEN the Duke of Wellington was at Paris, as Commander of the Allied
Armies, he was invited to dine with Cambaceres, one of the most
distinguished statesmen and _gourmets_ of the time of Napoleon. In the
course of dinner, his host having helped him to some particularly
_recherche_ dish, expressed a hope that he found it agreeable. "Very
good," said the Duke, who was probably reflecting on Waterloo; "very
good, but I really do not care what I eat."--"Don't care what you eat!"
exclaimed Cambaceres, as he started back, and dropped his fork; "what
_did_ you come here for, then!"

MCCCVII.--VERY TRUE.

"ALL that is necessary for the enjoyment of sausages at breakfast is
_confidence_."

MCCCVIII.--A JEW'S EYE TO BUSINESS.

A JEW, who was condemned to be hanged, was brought to the gallows, and
was just on the point of being turned off, when a reprieve arrived. When
informed of this, it was expected he would instantly have quitted the
cart, but he stayed to see a fellow-prisoner hanged; and being asked why
he did not get about his business, he said, "he waited to see if he
could bargain with Mr. Ketch for the _other_ gentleman's clothes."

MCCCIX.--ST. PETER A BACHELOR.

IN the list of benefactors to Peter-House is Lady Mary Ramsay, who is
reported to have offered a very large property, nearly equal to a new
foundation to this college, on condition that the name should be changed
to _Peter and Mary's_; but she was thwarted in her intention by Dr.
Soame, then master. "Peter," said the crabbed humorist, "has been too
long a _bachelor_ to think of a female companion in his old day