LV.--TAKE WARNING!

A BARRISTER who had retired from practice, said: "If any man was to
claim the _coat_ upon my back, and threaten my refusal with a lawsuit,
he should certainly have it; lest, in defending my _coat_, I should, too
late, find that I was deprived of my _waistcoat_ also."

MCDXLVI.--"THE WIDE, WIDE SEA."

HOOD says that, "A Quaker loves the ocean for its _broad brim_."

MCDXLVII.--CONDITIONAL AGREEMENT.

DR. A----, when dangerously ill at an hotel, was applied to by the
landlord to pass his bill. The doctor, observing that all the charges
were very high, wrote at the bottom of the account, "If I die, I _pass_
this account; if I live, I'll _examine it_."

MCDXLVIII.--ON A SQUINTING POETESS.

TO no _one_ muse does she her glance confine,
But has an eye, at once, to _all the nine_.

MCDXLIX.--A NEAT SUGGESTION.

A WELSH judge, celebrated as a suitor for all sorts of places and his
neglect of personal cleanliness, was thus addressed by Mr. Jekyll: "As
you have asked the Ministry for everything else, ask them for a piece
of _soap_ and a _nailbrush_."

MCDL.--SCOTCH "WUT."

IT requires (says Sydney Smith) a surgical operation to get a joke well
into a Scotch understanding. Their only idea of wit, or rather that
inferior variety of the electric talent which prevails occasionally in
the North, and which, under the name of _Wut_, is so infinitely
distressing to people of good taste, is laughing immoderately at stated
intervals. They are so imbued with metaphysics that they even make love
metaphysically. I overheard a young lady of my acquaintance, at a dance
in Edinburgh, exclaim, in a sudden pause of the music, "What you say, my
lord, is very true of love in the _aibstract_, but----" Here the
fiddlers began fiddling furiously, and the rest was lost.

MCDLI.--WHERE IT CAME FROM.

A LADY, whose fondness for generous living had given her a flushed face
and rubicund nose, consulted Dr. Cheyne. Upon surveying herself in the
glass, she exclaimed, "Where in the name of wonder, doctor, did I get
_such a nose_ as this?"--"Out of the _decanter, madam_," replied the
doctor.

MCDLII.--QUIN AND CHARLES I.

QUIN sometimes said a wise thing. Disputing concerning the execution of
Charles I.,--"By what laws," said his opponent, "was he put to death?"
Quin replied, "By all the _laws_ that he had _left them_."

MCDLIII.--TIME