h Jack, like thee, produceth dying tones),
Oh, yield thy pity to a starving wretch,
And for to-morrow's _treat_ pray send thy _bones_!

MCDLXI.--DIFFICULTIES IN EITHER CASE.

ONE evening, at a private party at Oxford, at which Dr. Johnson was
present, a recently published essay on the future life of brutes was
referred to, and a gentleman, disposed to support the author's opinion
that the lower animals have an "immortal part," familiarly remarked to
the doctor, "Really, sir, when we see a very sensible dog, we don't know
what to think of him." Johnson, turning quickly round, replied, "True,
sir; and when we see a very foolish _fellow_, we don't know what to
think of _him_."

MCDLXII.--A PROFESSIONAL AIM.

IN a duel between two attorneys, one of them shot away the skirt of the
other's coat. His second, observing the truth of his aim, declared that
had his friend been engaged with a _client_ he would very probably have
_hit his pocket_.

MCDLXIII.--FLYING COLORS.

SIR GODFREY KNELLER latterly painted more for profit than for praise,
and is said to have used some whimsical preparations in his colors,
which made them work fair and smoothly off, but not endure. A friend,
noticing it to him, said, "What do you think posterity will say, Sir
Godfrey Kneller, when they see these pictures some years hence?"--"Say!"
replied the artist: "why, they'll say Sir Godfrey Kneller _never_
painted them!"

MCDLXIV.--AN ENTERTAINING PROPOSITION.

A POMPOUS fellow made a very inadequate offer for a valuable property;
and, calling the next day for an answer, inquired of the gentleman if he
had _entertained his proposition_. "No," replied the other, "your
proposition _entertained me_."

MCDLXV.--UNION OF OPPOSITES.

A PHRENOLOGIST remarking that some persons had the organ of murder and
benevolence strongly and equally developed, his friend replied, "that
doubtless those were the persons _who would kill one with kindness_."

MCDLXVI.--EPIGRAM.

(On ----'s Veracity.)

HE boasts about the truth I've heard,
And vows he'd never break it;
Why, zounds, a man _must_ keep his word
When nobody will take it.

MCDLXVII.--AN UNTAXED LUXURY.

A LADY having remarked in company that she thought there should be a tax
on "_the single state_"; "Yes, madam," rejoined an obstinate old
bachelor, "as on all other _luxuries_."

MCDLXVIII