ecame a taste I have kept all my life. I
would listen at the bed room doors, if I could get near them unobserved,
when my mother, sister, the governess, or a servant went in, hoping to
hear the rattle and often succeeded: it was accompanied by no sexual
desire, or idea, as far as I can recollect; I had no cockstand, and am
sure, that I then did not know that the women had a hole called a cunt,
and used it for fucking. I can recall no idea of the sort, it was simple
curiosity to know something about those, whom I instinctively felt
were made differently from myself. What sort of a hole could it be I
wondered. Was it large? Was it round? Why did they squat instead of
stand up, like men, my curiosity became intense.

How long after this the following took place, I can't say, but my cock
was bigger. I have that impression very distinctly.

One day, there were people in one of the sitting rooms, where my mother
and father were I don't know; they were not in the room, and were most
likely out. There were one or two of my cousins, some youths, my big
sister and one brother, besides others, our governess, and her sister,
who was stopping with us, and sleeping in the same room with her. I
recollect both going into the bed room together, it was next to mine.
It was evening, we had sweet wine, cake, and snap-dragon, and played
at something, at which all sat in a circle on the floor. I was very
ticklish, it nearly sent me into fits, we tickled each other on the
floor. There was much fun, and noise, the governess tickled me, and I
tickled her. She said as I was taken to bed, or rather went, as I then
did by myself, "I'll go and tickle you." Now at that time when in bed, a
servant, or my mother, or the governess took away the light, and closed
the door; for I was still frightened to get into bed in the dark, and
used to call out, "Mamma, I'm going to get into bed." Then they fetched
the light, they wished to stop this timidity, often scolded me about it,
and made me undress myself, by myself, to cure me of it.

I expect the other children had been put to bed. My mother keeping all
the younger ones in the room near her. The nursery was also upstairs, my
room, as said, was next to the governess.

When in bed, I called out for some one to put out the light, up came the
governess and her sister. She began to tickle me, so did her sister,
I laughed, screeched, and tried to tickle them. One of them closed the
door and then came back to