ction of wishing to fuck her, nor did I ever say
anything smutty, if I could see her face.

I got better. Then she refused either to feel me, or let me feel her,
on account of my boldness. One day, just at dusk, she was closing the
dining-room shutters, I went behind her, and after pulling her head back
to kiss me, stooped and pulled up her clothes to her waist; it exposed
her entire backside. Oh how white and huge it seemed to me. She moved
quickly round not hollowing out, but saying quietly: "What are you
doing? don't, now!" As she turned round, so did I, gloating over her
bum, then laid both hands on it, slid them round her thighs, and rapidly
kneeling down, put my lips on to the flesh, her petticoats fell over my
head. She dislodged me, saying she would never speak with me again. She
never either felt me, or permitted me, any liberties afterwards, and
soon left. One or two years after that, she came to see my mother with
her baby. She smiled at me. I don't recollect what became of her sister,
but think she soon left us also.

My physique could not then have been strong, nor my sexual organs in
finished condition, because I am sure that up to that time, I had
not had a spend; perhaps my growing fast and the fever, may have had
something to do with it. My father came home broken hearted I have
heard, and ill. Soon after we only kept two female servants, a man
outside the house, and a gardener. Father was ordered to the sea-side,
my mother went with him, taking the children and one servant (all went
by coach then). One of father's sisters, my aunt, a widow, came to take
charge of our new house, and brought her daughter, a fair, slim girl,
about 16 years old.

I remained at home, so as to go to school; the servant left in the house
was a pleasant, plump young woman, dark haired, and was always laughing;
she was to do all the work. My godfather who lived a mile or two away
from us, and whose maiden sister kept house for him, was to see me
frequently, and did so till I was sick of him. Every half-holiday,
he made me spend with him in walking, and riding; he insisted on my
boating, cricketting and keeping at athletic games, when not at my
studies. The old doctor I expect guessed my temperament, and thought by
thoroughly occupying, and fatiguing me, to prevent erotic thoughts. He
wanted me to stay at his house, but I refused, and it being a longer way
from my school, it was not persisted in.

My aunt slept in my parents