her clothes, to her thighs, and felt the
hair. "That's your thing," said I with a burst of courage. "Oh! oh!" she
laughed, "what did you say?" "Your thing!" "My thing! what's that?" "The
hole at the bottom of your belly," said I, ashamed at what I uttered.
"What do you mean? who told you that? I've no hole." It is strange but
a fact, that I had no courage to say any more, but left off playing, and
went down stairs.

On occasions afterwards, I played more roughly with her, and felt her
thighs; but fear prevented me from going further up. She gave me lots of
opportunities, which my timidity, prevented me from availing myself of.
One day she said: "you are not game for much, although you are so big,"
and then kissed me long and furiously, but I never saw her wants, nor my
chances that I know of, though I see now plainly enough, that boy as I
was, she wanted me to mount her.

About that time,--how I got it, I know not,--I had a book describing the
diseases caused by sacrificing to Venus. The illustrations in the book,
of faces covered with scabs, blotches, and eruptions, took such hold
of my mind, that for twenty years afterwards, the fear was not quite
eradicated. I showed them to some friends, and we all got scared. I had
no definite idea of what syphilis, and gonorrhea were, but that both
were something awful, we all made up our minds. My godfather also used
to hint now to me about ailments men got, by acquaintance with loose,
bad, women; perhaps he put the book in my way. Frigging also was treated
of, and the terrible accounts of people dying through it, and being
put into straight waistcoats, etc., I have no doubt was useful to me.
Several of us boys were days in finding out what the book meant, by
masturbation, ononism, or whatever, the language may have been. We used
dictionaries and other books to help us, and at last one of the biggest
boys explained the meaning to us.

One evening my aunt being out (it was not I think any plan on my part),
I had something to eat, and then went into the kitchen, where the
servant was sitting at needle-work by candle-light. I talked, kissed,
coaxed her, began to pull up her clothes, and it ended in her running
round the kitchen, and my chasing her; both laughing, stopping at
intervals, to hear if my aunt knocked. "I'll go and lock the outer
gate," said she, "then your aunt must ring, if she comes up to the door,
she will hear us, for you make such a noise." She locked it and came