k tip
without pain, till I was sixteen years old nor well then when quite
stiff unless it went up a cunt. My nursemaid I expect thought this
curious, and tried to remedy the error in my make, and hurt me. My
mother, by her extremely delicate feeling, shut herself off from much
knowledge of the world, which was the reason why she had such implicit
belief in my virtue, until I had seen twenty-two years, and kept, or
nearly so, a French harlot.

I imagine I must have slept with this nurse-maid, and certainly I did
with some female, in a room called the Chinese room, on account of the
color of the wall papers. I recollect a female being there in bed with
me, that I awoke one morning feeling very hot, and stifled, and that my
head was against flesh; that flesh was all about me, my mouth and nose
being embedded in hair, or some thing scrubby, which had a hot peculiar
odour. I have a recollection of a pair of hands suddenly clutching,
and dragging me up on to the pillow, and of daylight then. I have no
recollection of a word being uttered. This incident I could not long
have forgoten, having told my cousin Fred, of it before my father died.
He used to say it was the governess. I suppose, I must have slipped down
in my sleep, till my head laid against her belly, and cunt.

Some years afterwards when I got the smell of another woman's cunt on my
fingers, it at once reminded me of the smell I had under my nose in
the bed; and I knew at a flash, that I had smelt cunt before, and
recollected where, but no more.

How long after, I have no idea, but it seems like two or three years,
there was a dance in our house, several relations were to stop the night
with us, the house was full, here was bustle, the shifting of beds, the
governess going into a servant's room to sleep, and so on. Some female
cousins were amongst those stopping with us; going into the drawing-room
suddenly, I heard my mother saying to one of my aunts: "Walter is after
all but a child, and its only for one night." Hish-hish both said, as
they saw me, then my mother sent me out of the room, wondering why they
were talking about me, and feeling curious, and annoyed at being sent
away.

I had been in the habit then of sleeping in a room, either with another
bed in it, or close to a room leading out of it, with another bed, I
cannot recollect which; I used to call out to whoever might have been
there when I was in bed: for being timid, the door was kept open for me.