ssians need apply.

* * * * *

WALLS HAVE TEARS.

A complaint against damp houses has been recently made by a
letter-writer in the _Times_, who says he has suffered severely from wet
walls. We are happy in suggesting an efficient remedy by recommending
that the walls of new houses should be papered with Parliamentary
speeches, the usual dryness of which would, we are convinced, render any
little dampness impossible.

* * * * *

PASSPORTS IMPROVED.

There was a talk of passports being issued with photographic portraits.
Men may not object to this plan, as they do not care so much for a
little disfigurement, but we doubt strongly if ladies will ever give
their countenances to it. It is well known that photographic portraits
do not improve the beauty of any one. They give the features of the
"human face divine," but without the slightest touch of flattery. Worse
than this, if there should be any little defect, the cruel metal does
not trouble itself in the least to conceal it, but has the vulgarity to
render it in all its staring obliquity or deformity. We have our fears,
therefore, that this very unfashionable system of portrait painting will
never suit the ladies. It goes upon the Antipodean theory of making the
pretty faces appear ugly, and the ugly ones still uglier. We are
confident that no lady who has any respect for herself, or her husband,
will face such an ordeal. Some other plan must be invented by the
police, or else there will be an end to all travelling on the part of
our ladies.

Where is the woman who would care about going abroad, when she was
liable to be stopped at every minute, and forced to produce, for the
amusement of some coarse gensd'arme, an ugly photographic portrait of
herself? We propose, therefore, that the following system be
adopted:--Let M. BAUGNIET, or some other artist as clever in taking
portraits, be constantly in attendance at the passport office. He would
strike off a likeness in a very short time--such a likeness as,
delicately flattered, the lady herself would take a positive pleasure in
producing every time she was asked for it. It would be an elegant work
of art; which the lady would like, probably, to preserve by her, and the
possession of which would also materially enhance the pleasures of
travelling. All the expenses to be paid, of course, by the State--for it
would be a most ungracious action to ask a lady