objeck. Nashligion!
Nashmorality! 'Scration o' Shabbas. Zha's zh' objeck--to preven'
'scration o' Shabbas (_Hum-um-m-m-m!_) Joost that. 'A shay, to preven'
'scration o' Shabbas. By op'nin' Crishlpalaceashunday. Na' ca' zhat
'scration o' Shabbas? Na' 'scration o' Shabbas?--then sh'like to ken
wast ish. Not a Scosh quesh'n? Zha's an unco lee! Mosportant Scosh
quesh'n. Joost your neebor's biggin in a low!--zha's a'. Infecsh'n
spread like wildfire and brimson. Scotland catch't o' England (_Hech!
hech! and laughter_). Open Crishpalace--open Brismusheum neist--open
Nashgallery--open a' siccan places--enst'tutes--hawsoscience--aiblins
leebraries--whilk is waur. Gar sinfuwretches taktobuiks! Sh' prospeck's
awfu'! Hop a' shall nev' livetosee sic bocksli'nes i' Scotlum. Scosh a
mol people. A molpeople an' ar'leegious people. 'Stroy 'leegion shap zh'
varra base o' morality. 'Mortal BURNS (_Cheers_)--Cotter's Saturday
Night (_Immense applause_) Eh? But open Crishpalace a Sun'ay and whosh's
become o' Cotter's Sunday morrin'? Cotter's a' richt noo a Sun' mor'n.
A'richt! Gin not at kirk--seekin' speeritchal cons'lation elsewhar.
(_Hech, hech! hum-um-m-m!_) Takkin's nappie over his wee drappie in's
ainhameithinglenook. Bet' be dune zhat zhan glowrin at peckturs, an'
stotchies, an' stuff'dbirdies an' beasties, forbye lezzardancrawcadil
deevles--objecks o' nashistory an' artanshiensh, an' ither warks o'
darkness--o'zh Shabb's. Scollan ev' tollate sush 'scration o' Shabbash
as zhash? (_Never, never!_) Weelzhen!--mush lay protest at zh' foot o'
shrone. Temp'rate and 'shpeckful protesh!--mush be temp'rate and
shpeckful! But firmansteady. An' plain--not be mishunstood. Joost as 'a
stan' the noo o' mahurdies--joost as 'a shpeak--zh' firm and speckf'l
temp't anshteady pro'st o' zh shober 'nabitantsh a Glassgie gains
'scration o' Shabbas. (_Tremendous cheers._)

The speaker then proceeded to move a resolution, but found unfortunately
that he could not see to read it. He was followed in speeches of a
character similar to the above, by BAILLIE M'BREE, MR. SOTTIE M'QUAIGH,
MR. PINTSTOUPIE, MR. WILLIEWAUCHT, and the REV. MR. TODDIEWHOSKIE. "_We
are na fou'_" was then sung, and the meeting separated at a late hour in
a state of excitement bordering on _delirium tremens_.

[Illustration: A BIT OF SENTIMENT.

(_Founded upon a Popular Song._)

"WELL, FRANK! THIS DELIGHTFUL CAMP IS NEARLY OVER."

"HM, HAW! YA-AS! AND IF YOU'LL ALLOW ME, I'LL TAKE A