got at home a consumptive wife,
And two small children lying dead.
(_Aside._) I must indulge a quiet grin--
I shall feel better when I've laughed;
My wife's at home consuming gin,
While the children sleep with an opium draught.

If my wife and children you could see,
I'm sure you'd help me, good Christians all;
Believe my wretched tale, and on me
In halfpence let your compassion fall.
(_Aside._) If my wife and children you wish to meet
As soon as she's sober, you'll mayhap
Find her in the adjoining street,
With the well-drugg'd infants on her lap.

A Weaver I've always been by trade,
From the time when I was eight years old;
But I've been unfit for labour made,
By hunger, over-work, and cold.
(_Aside._) Yes, I am a Weaver, I'll stick to that;
And my skill will often myself surprise,
When I think what precious yarns I spin,
And what wondrous webs I weave--of lies.

To beg I'm forbidden by the Act;
But Providence will your charity bless,
If you'll purchase a small religious tract
From a pious Weaver in distress.
(_Aside._) Hallo! how's this? I'm fairly caught;
A religious tract, I think I said;
I've left them at home, and by Jove, I've brought
My stock of flash song-books out instead.

* * * * *

MR. PETERLOO BROWN'S EXAMINATION OF THE OXFORD STATUTES.

LETTER II.

"DEAR MR. PUNCH,

"In my last letter to you, I mentioned a few of the _Statutum ests_ of
'_Tit._ XIV.' of the Oxford Statutes; and I now come to consider '_Tit._
XV.' of the same amusing work, premising that I shall confine my remarks
to this _Tit._, as it would be a task of insufferable weariness--and
one, I suppose, which like the discovery of the source of the Nile, no
philanthropist would ever live to carry out--to attempt to explore the
twenty-one _Tits._, which, with their _appendices_ branches, run through
that immense tract of paper intended for the use of the academic youth
(_in usum juventutis academicaae_). But I may remark, _en passant_, as
our 'lively neighbours' say--(I don't know French, _Mr. Punch_, but I
like to quote it occasionally, as it shows refinement and education, and
that you read the _Morning Post_, and all that sort of thing)--I may
remark, that for the Vice-Chancellor to drive twenty-one of these
_Tits._ in hand, and keep them well together, must be no ordinary act of
JEHU-ism; and I think it woul