young
noodle."--_Judge_.

"Women always have and always will keep men guessing," declares the
Wathena (Kan.) Times. "A Wathena merchant employed a homely girl
because he thought he could keep her. Within a few months a young man
married her for the same reason."

A prominent New York debutante recently ordered "four seats on the
aisle" at the theater. When her party arrived at the performance, they
were surprised to find themselves arranged in a column instead of a
row. Nothing daunted, the debutante turned to a bored, middle-aged
man next to her. Surely he would not mind changing with her friend in
front.

"I beg your pardon," she said politely.

No reply. He must be deaf.

"I beg your pardon," she repeated louder.

Still no reply.

"I beg your pardon," she said, bumping his elbow.

He took out a pencil and wrote on his program:

"That's my wife on the other side of me. Safety first."

Man puts up with marriage in order to get a certain girl--a girl puts
up with a certain man in order to get married.

In the old days man used to marry woman for a dot--now he marries her
for a period.

Marriage may be likened to a subscription to a favorite magazine--it
is something that should be renewed each year if it is not to expire.

A married woman said to her husband: "You have never taken me to the
cemetery."

"No, dear," replied he; "that is a pleasure I have yet in
anticipation."

A man of perhaps 55, wearing a rough peajacket, showing glimpses of
a soiled pink silk shirt, with a rubber collar, approached and in
confiding tones asked for a book for a "widow past 50 who is thinking
of getting married." The assistant proceeded to inquire as to what
kind of a story he thought she might like. "Oh," he said, "what I want
is a story that will kind o' cheer her up."

_See also_ Domestic finance; Husbands; Leap year.

MASCOTS

"Does a rabbit's foot really bring good luck?"

"I should say so. My wife felt one in my money pocket once and thought
it was a mouse."

MATHEMATICS

_See_ Arithmetic.

MATRIMONY

_See_ Marriage.

MEASURING INSTRUMENTS

A two-foot rule was given to a laborer in a Clyde boat-yard to measure
an iron plate. The laborer not being well up in the use of the rule,
after spending considerable time, returned.

"Now, Mick," asked the plater, "what size is the plate?"

"Well," replied Mick, with a grin of satisfaction, "it's the length