clothes of yesteryear--
And of the year before?
Bare is the cupboard--shelf and hook;
Barren, the garret's cobwebbed nook;
Empty, the darksome drawer!
Why should they strangely disappear--
All the old clothes of yesteryear?

Where are the clothes of yesteryear?
Easy would be the search.
Seek them where duty or pleasure calls;
Seek them in learning's classic halls--
Office or club or church.
Rich and lowly, alike, appear
Wearing the clothes of yesteryear.

Honor the clothes of yesteryear,
Deal with them tenderly;
Don them gladly and make them last,
Friends of an opulent era past;
Stout may their fabric be!
Drink long life to their new career--
Here's to the clothes of yesteryear!

--_Jennie Betts Hartswick_.

"I'm afraid these Louis XV heels are much too high for me. Perhaps you
have lower ones--say about Louis X would do, I think."

I can not wear the old suit
I wore long years ago;
It's shiny at the shoulders,
My knees and elbows show.
But on investigation I
Discover this is true:
I can not wear the old suit,
Nor can I buy a new.

"Is this the hosiery department?" said the voice over the phone.

"Yes," replied the weary saleslady.

"Have you any flesh-colored stockings in stock?" asked the voice.

"Yes," replied the weary saleslady. "Whaddy ya want--pink, yellow, or
black?"

They had been poor all their lives. Then one day Uncle Oscar died,
leaving Henry a large sum of money. He cashed the check, hurried home,
and threw the whole amount in his wife's lap. "At last, my dear," he
said, "You will be able to buy yourself some decent clothes."

"I'll do nothing of the sort," sezz she. "I'll get the same kind that
other women wear."

CLUBS

"A lady, you know, rang up the club the other evening.

"'Please call my husband to--,' she began, but she was interrupted.

"'Your husband ain't here, ma'am,' said the attendant, blandly.

"'My goodness gracious me!' the lady exclaimed, 'You're mighty sure
about it, aren't you? And I haven't told you my name yet, either.
Look here, mister, how do you know my husband isn't at the club when I
haven't told you my name?'

"The attendant answered more blandly than ever:

"'Nobody's husband ain't never at the club, ma'am.'"

COAL

There is a New York scientist who is greatly interested in coal
mining. He decided to subscribe to a press-clipping bureau, to