m not.
Of all the victuals in pot or plate,
There's only one that we loathe and hate.
We love a hundred, we hate but one,
And that we'll hate till our race is run--
BREAD PUDDING!

It's known to you all, it's known to you all,
It casts a gloom, and it casts a pall;
By whatso name they mark the mess,
You take one taste and you give one guess.
Come, let us stand in the Wailing Place,
A vow to register, face to face:
We will never forego our hate
Of that tasteless fodder we execrate--
BREAD PUDDING!

Cranberry pie, or apricot--
Some folks like 'em, and some folks not.
They're not so bad if they're made just right,
Tho' they don't enkindle our appetite.
But _you_ we hate with a lasting hate,
And never will we that hate abate:
Hate of the tooth and hate of the gum,
Hate of palate and hate of tum,
Hate of the millions who've choked you down,
In country kitchen or house in town.
We love a thousand, we hate but one,
With a hate more hot than the hate of Hun--
BREAD PUDDING!

* * *

Since prohibition came in, says the Onion King, Americans have taken to
eating onions. As Lincoln prophesied, this nation is having a new breath
of freedom.

* * *

Asked what the racket was all about, the inspired waiter at the Woman's
Athletic Club replied, "It's the Vassar illumini."

* * *

In a soi-disant democracy "personal liberty" is an empty phrase,
bursting with nothingness. Personal liberty is to be enjoyed only under
a benevolent autocracy. It is contained wholly in the code of King
Pausole:

"I.--Ne nuis pas a ton voisin.

"II.--Ceci bien compris, fais ce qu'il te plait."

* * *

There are many definitions of "optimist" and "pessimist." As good as
another is one that the Hetman of the Boul Mich Cossacks is fond of
quoting: "An optimist is a man who sees a great light where there is
none. A pessimist is a man who comes along and blows out the light."

* * *

"Two-piano playing is more or less of a sport, as the gardeners say,"
observes Mr. Aldrich in the New York Times. And we are reminded of
Philip Hale's review of a two-piano recital. "We have heard these two
gentlemen separately without being greatly stirred," he said in effect,
"but their combination was like bringing together the componen