Asylum for the Criminal
Insane."]

"What you are trying to fix up, Mawruss, ain't a program, but a
catalogue, Mawruss," Abe commented, "which if we want to get a
performance of Mr. Wilson's program, y'understand, and they're going to
have a lot of trouble putting that number over with a satisfactory sea,
on account they would either have to paint a sea, dig a sea, or have
some sort of a sea effect, because Poland is like Iowa, Mawruss--the
only time you could get a glimpse of the sea there is when they run off
one of them Annette Kellermann filums in a moving-picture theayter."

"That only goes to show what you know from Poland," Morris retorted,
"because in seventeen ninety-three a lot of the sea-front of Prussia
belonged to Poland."

"Yes, and in seventeen ninety-three a lot of the sea-front of Texas
belonged to Mexico," Abe continued. "So I guess Mr. Wilson must have
some sea in mind which ain't barred by the statute of limitations; but
that ain't here nor there, because getting a sea to Poland ain't the
biggest difficulty in carrying out the peace program. Take, for
instance, number six on the program, which is a proposed turn or act by
all the Allies, entitled, 'Welcoming Russia into the Society of Free
Nations.' The directions is that the performers should give Russland all
sorts of assistance of every kind that she may need, and also to behave
kindly to her, y'understand, and no sooner does Mr. Wilson come out with
this, so to speak sob scenario, understand me, than Trotzky & Lenine get
right back at him with a counter-proposition, so I guess that the
present number six will be taken out of the program, and another number
substituted for it, like this:

VI

Extra Added Feature, the Popular Russian Dramatic Stars
in Roles that Suit Them to Perfection

LEON TROTZKY & LENINE BARNEY

In 'Nix on the Bonds,' a Playlet with a Punch.
Suspense, Surprise, Finish, and All the Fixings that Make a
Snappy Dramatic Entertainment in Tabloid Form."

"The mistake that Mr. Wilson made in number six on the program was that
he took it for granted when the Allies welcomed Russland into the
Society of Free Nations, Russia would behave like a new member should
ought to behave, instead of which Russia started right in by giving a
bad check for her initiation fees and first annual dues," Morris said.
"She has also got out of the United States railroad supplies,