PROFESSIONS,' any more than burglary is. Neither
could the government soak them highwaymen for an excessive-profits tax,
because hat-checking ain't a business with an invested capital, not
unless you count as capital, _Chutzpah_, gall and a nerve like a
rhinoceros. So the only way the government could collect on tips to
hat-checkers would be to tax the tipper fifty per cent. and put it up to
the hat-checker to collect it at the source from the feller who is
foolish enough to give up his money that way."

"Sure, I know," Morris said. "But that wouldn't be a
personal-extravagance tax, Abe. That's what I would call a tax on
personal cowardice. It's the kind of a tax the government could soak a
feller which 'ain't got enough backbone to say 'No' when a head waiter
suggests celery and olives at seventy-five cents a throw."

"Whatever it is, I'm in favor of it, Mawruss," Abe said. "Also it should
ought to be collected from the feller who lets the barber get away with
ten cents extra for a teaspoonful of hair tonic, and as for face
massages, there should be a flat rate of five dollars for each
offense."

"_Aber_ don't you think that a face massage is its own punishment, Abe?"
Morris asked.

"So is attempting suicide," Abe said. "But people go to jail for it,
Mawruss."

"Well, anyhow, before the government goes to work and taxes people for
that part of their income which they spend foolishly, Abe," Morris said,
"they should get busy under the present income-tax law and prevent
anybody from getting away with anything under 'J. GENERAL DEDUCTIONS' by
claiming a drawback or bad debts arising out of personal loans, which
the government is losing thousands and thousands of dollars on many a
week-kneed business man who knew when he loaned the money to his wife's
relations that he would never even have the nerve enough to ask them to
renew their notes even. Then there is other business men which has got a
lot of customers on their books who couldn't get credit except by paying
such a high price for their goods that if they bust up there would still
be a profit, even if they settled for thirty cents on the dollar, and
when them business men start to make up their income-tax returns they
don't hesitate for a moment to charge off the balance under 'B. BAD
DEBTS ARISING FROM SALES (See instructions).'"

"I suppose such business men clears their consciences with the thought
that if they had lost the money legitimately playing pinoch