pers about their scrapping again, Abe?" Morris
inquired.

Abe shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think nothing of the kind,
Mawruss," Abe said; "but there's a whole lot of fellers in the theayter
business which have stories printed about themselves in the Sunday
papers where it tells how they used to was in business and finally
worked their way into the theayter business and what is their favorite
luncheon dish, y'understand, till you would think that the reason people
went to see plays was because the manager formerly run a clothing-store
in Milwaukee, Wis., and is crazy about liver and bacon, Southern style."

"That would be, anyhow, as good a reason as because the leading lady's
home life didn't come up to her husband's expectations," Morris
commented.

"Well, no matter for what reason people do it, Mawruss," Abe concluded,
"buying tickets for a show is as big a gamble as a home-cooked Welsh
rabbit, in especially if you try to go by the advertisements. For
instance, in to-day's paper there is three shows advertised as the
biggest hit in town, four of them says they got more laughs in them than
any other show in town, and there are a lot of assorted 'Biggest Hits in
Years,' 'Biggest Hits Since the "Music Master,"' and 'Biggest Hits in
New York,' so what chance does an outsider stand of knowing which
advertisements is O.K. and which is just pushing the stickers?"

"The plan that I got is never to go on a theayter till the show has been
running for at least three months, Abe," Morris advised.

"But if everybody else followed the same plan, Mawruss," Abe commented,
"what show is going to run three months?"

"Say!" Morris exclaimed. "There would always be plenty of nosy people in
New York City which 'ain't got no more to do with their money than to
find out if what the crickets has got to say in the newspapers about the
new plays is the truth or just kindness of heart, y'understand."

"From what I know of newspaper crickets, Mawruss," Abe said, "when they
praise a show they may be mistaken, but they're never kind-hearted."

"If a play runs three months, Abe, it don't make no difference to me
whether the newspaper crickets praised it because they had kind hearts
or knocked it because they had stomach trouble," Morris said, "I am
willing to risk my two dollars, _anyhow_."

"Maybe it would be better all around, Mawruss, if the newspaper crickets
printed what they think about a play the day after it closes instead of