go these too terrible fatigues? I myself, for
instance, if I may say so with the most humble respect, am ready to
represent you in all departments whenever you call upon me. I can
scatter any number of Iron Crosses, and am willing to make speeches
which will prove to our hated enemies, as well as to America and Italy,
that God is the good old friend of our HOHENZOLLERN family and that He
will pay no attention (why should He?) to anything that the English, the
French, the Russians, the Servians and the Belgians may say. Is it not
lucky for the Austrians and the Turks that they are on our side and can
share in the high protection that we enjoy? To save you trouble I would
even go so far as to open a session of the _Reichstag_, though for my
own part I never could see much use in that absurd institution. Still we
have it now under our thumb (_unter unserem Daumen_), and even the
Socialists are ready to feed out of our hands and to allow us to kick
them about the floor. He who says that war is barbarous and useless can
learn by this example that it is not so. If you wish me to invite one or
two Socialists (not more) to a State dinner I will even go so far as
that. You see how deeply prepared I am to oblige you. And if you want to
finish your cure by taking a complete rest from the serious work of
being Commander-in-Chief, even in that point I am not unwilling to
sacrifice myself to the highest interests of the Fatherland by replacing
your august person both in the field and in the council chamber. You
have only to say the word and I shall be there.

May I now add a few words about the War? Somehow it does not seem that
we are getting on as we have been led to expect. Mind, I am not blaming
anybody, certainly not your most gracious fatherly Majesty, but I must
say that all the books which we were told to read showed us quite a
different war, a war laid out on the system of 1870. At this stage, in
1870, everything was over except the siege of Paris and the shouting,
but now we do not appear to be making progress anywhere. Why do these
degenerate races hold back our holy and with-love-of-Fatherland-inspired
troops? Perhaps the new MOLTKE has not been quite so sure in his touch
or so triumphant in his plans as the old one--but then that ought not to
have made much difference, because you and I have been there to keep him
straight. FALKENHAYN, no doubt, might have been expected to do better,
for you had opened your whole mind to