him, but he too seems only able to
knock his head against a stone wall (_seinen Kopf gegen eine Mauer
stossen_) and the result is that we are everywhere getting it in the
neck (_dass wir es ueberall in dem Hals kriegen_), and that process is
not pleasant for a true Hohenzollern. It is possible that RUPERT OF
BAVARIA has been allowed to talk too much. One CROWN PRINCE is enough
even for a German army. Have you any idea what we ought to do to secure
victory somewhere?

I am sending you a box of lozenges, which I have always found excellent
for a cough. I beg also that you will not forget how efficacious is
flannel when worn next to the skin.

Your most devoted Son,
WILHELM, KRONPRINZ.

* * * * *

SEASONABLE GIFTS.

I. THE MOTTLE.

A new and ingenious development of the old-fashioned hot-water bottle.
The ordinary hot-water bottle warms but a small portion of the bed. The
Mottle, possessing a motor attachment, can be wound up and it will then
travel all over the bed, diffusing an agreeable warmth everywhere. May
be used as an engine in the nursery by day. _33s. 6d._ The CHESTERTON,
for large-size beds, _44s. 11d._ This kind also makes an excellent gift
for soldiers in the trenches. It will travel half-a-mile before
requiring further petrol.

* * * * *

Illustration: FULFILMENT.

AUSTRIA. "I SAID ALL ALONG THIS WAS GOING TO BE A PUNITIVE
EXPEDITION."

* * * * *

Illustration: 1 THE STEAM-ROLLER (ENGLISH) AT WORK.

Illustration: 2 "NOTHING, MADAM, I ASSURE YOU--DIDN'T FEEL IT."

Illustration: 3 THE PATRIOTIC MIND AT WORK.

Illustration: 4 "BUT, YOUNG MAN, IF YOU CAN STAND HARDSHIPS LIKE THAT,
HOW IS IT YOU ARE NOT AT THE FRONT?"

* * * * *

LIGHT REFRESHMENT: AN INTERLUDE.

BY SPECIAL CONSTABLE XXX.

I was sitting grimly in my sentry-box guarding a power station and a
sausage factory. The latter is considered to be a likely point of attack
on the part of the Huns. Should it be destroyed, a vital source of food
supply for our army (they would reason) would be cut off.

Incidentally, the sausage factory is much more exciting to guard than
the electric light works. One sees the raw material arriving and being
unloaded. One sees the sausage king swishing up in his richly-appointed
limousine, giving porkly orders to his deferential subordinates, and
then whisking off--no doubt